Difficult Family Members? Tactful Ways to Deal with Them

Blood is thicker than water, and sometimes even blood can be bad. Every family has a difficult family member, an in-law, an outlaw, or someone else that's at every family function who has a way of putting a damper on festivities, and this can make family get-togethers and parties anything but pleasant. How you deal with a difficult family member is really more important than how they behave. After all, as the old saying goes, it takes two to tango, and if you have a difficult family member you continually have a problem with, you don't have to let them ruin your party!

I'm the type of person who wants to get along with everyone, even a difficult family member, and I've learned how to tactfully deal with people that others avoid or waste their time arguing with. Like my mother always said, you can win more bees with honey than you can with vinegar, and it's best to get along with people, especially at family gatherings. We can't control what difficult family members do or say, but we can control ourselves, and I try to be kind to all. At least no one can say with truthfulness that I've been rude or hateful, especially family members who are difficult to get along with.

The following information provides ways to deal with difficult family members you might not like or have a difficult time getting along with. Unless you have the perfect family, you'll have an easier time dealing with difficult family members when considering these examples. We can't choose our family members, but we can choose how we react to their difficult behavior.

The Know-it-All

Every family has a know-it-all, and we all know that a know-it-all is never wrong. They blame others for their problems and even their wrongdoings, and they can really create a lot of stress at family get-togethers. I've dealt with know-it-alls at work, and I had a few in-laws, outlaws, and family members who were know-it-alls, but thankfully with age came wisdom. What used to bother me no longer does, and I've learned how to deal with difficult family members and others who are blessed with the gift of knowledge.

Instead of debating with difficult family members who seems to know it all, tactfully change the subject. A know-it-all won't have anyone to verbally spar with if you don't give them a chance, and if necessary, find a reason to leave the room. Be sure your exit is tactful, and be sure to keep a smile on your face. The know-it-all will no-doubt find someone else to target, and soon they'll have no one to talk to.

The Family Snob

Most people can think of at least one or two family members who seem to think their breath never stinks, and that's a kind way to put what I was really wanted to say. I can think of a few difficult family members that seem to have this I'm-better-than-you attitude, and that really does stink. They come off like snobs, and they make others feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. I have them all figured out, and although I never let on, I feel they must be the ones with confidence issues.

I don't change my personality or my attitude when in the presence of family members who seem like snobs. If they don't like who I am, or if I'm not good enough to speak to or acknowledge, than as far as I'm concerned, they can walk out of the room. I treat everyone equally, and I make sure I say hello and acknowledge all of my family members. If they aren't able to bring themselves to speak, than they're the ones with the problem. It's as simple as that!

The Arguer

The know-it-all just might be the arguer, but in many cases, the family arguer just loves to debate, even if they know they're wrong. I can't stand to listen to arguing, even if it's done in fun. Constant arguing gets on my nerves, and some family members seem to make a game of it. They're not happy unless someone is upset and complaining.

If you have chronic arguer in your family, don't give these difficult members the satisfaction of an argument. You don't have to agree with everything they say, but you can walk away, take it with a grain of salt, and bite your tongue. No amount of arguing will change the minds of people who love to argue, and even if you change their mind, most will never admit that you're right. It just isn't worth it!

The Strange One

Almost everyone has one or two family members that are a little different, and by different I mean annoying in a strange sort of way. My ex husband's family has one particular member that everyone agrees is annoying, and although I didn't particularly like this person, I made sure I always spoke to her and showed her the kindness and respect she deserved. I didn't want to become her best friend, but I didn't want her to feel left out or unaccepted. After all, we're all different, aren't we? I kept telling myself I only had to see her a couple of times a year.

The Spoiled Brat

Someone who is blatantly spoiled and extremely difficult must have their way to be happy, and I've had family members who thought they had to run the show at family gatherings. One of my family members in particular had to have a certain food for the main course even though it wasn't this person's turn to host the gathering. Everyone complied, but I thought it was unfair that the host was expected to prepare this food and change their plans. This same person also threw an adult version of a temper tantrum when I wouldn't stay longer to watch a movie, but I didn't give in.

Spoiled brats aren't going to change overnight, so you really can't do anything to immediately change this type of behavior. Adults who are selfish are set in their ways, and it's unlikely they'll ever change. More than likely they'll end up making themselves look foolish in front of everyone, and you won't have to say a word.

The Sponge

The sponge is someone who rarely contributes when they're are asked to bring a dish, and they look for any reason to drop by around mealtime. They're also the same difficult people who complain when their kids aren't invited to a wedding reception that's an adult-only celebration, and not surprisingly they're also the ones who forget to bring a gift. Almost all families have at least one sponge, and relatives take advantage of relatives far more than strangers take advantage of strangers.

Stop the weekly soaking by putting your foot down in a kind but tactful way. If you want to put an end unwelcome offenders dropping by for a meal, tell them you're sorry but you already have plans. Tell them when they are welcome to come by, and eventually they'll get the hint that meals are by invitation only. I don't mind feeding people now and then, but extra guests on a regular basis really puts a strain on the food budget, and I have all I can do to feed my daughter and I.

When difficult family members ask about bringing their kids to a wedding reception that's for adult members only, tactfully find a way to let them know if you allow them to bring their kids, you'll have to allows dozens of others. If it makes them mad, let them get upset. They'll eventually get over it. Like most parents, I dearly love my kids and want to include them whenever possible, but I'm not too selfish to realize that when kids aren't invited to a formal meal it's probably because of the high cost of each plate. Many people must pay for their own wedding receptions or parties, and it's their right to choose who to invite!