Difficult Relatives in Every Family

Did you ever stop and scratch your head, wondering how in the world someone could possibly be a part of your family? From snarly attitudes to poor hygiene, they seem to be totally out of place.

I have recently had the "pleasure" of communicating with an extended family member, who now says that she does not want to hear from me or anyone else in our family. It seems that the family bloodline of light-hearted spirits came to an abrupt stop when she was born!

It was my grandfather's fondest wish that he get to see his only living brother one last time before either one of them passed away. This brother, who lived in California, had not been to our state for a visit for at least 15 years. We all knew that the California brother was in poor health, but wanted to at least try to see him one last time.

Sadly, this brother, who carried on the light-hearted and personable nature of our family, married a rather inhospitable woman, who he had met in a bar while stationed in California. This woman was not well accepted by my great-grandmother, as you can imagine, since she was in no way a "respectible" lady in her eyes. Whether she was or not, I have no clue, but this is how the story goes...

When my great uncle brought this bar fly to meet great grandma, the opinions flew out of her mouth freely. She did not approve of this woman, nor was she desired as a part of the family. Great grandma spared no expense to let the new bride know exactly what she thought. From that point on, the woman vowed that she would never step foot back into Oklahoma, nor did she welcome anyone (no matter how far removed in the family) to come for a visit or communicate with her or her husband.

My great uncle and this woman had only one daughter, a daughter that nobody on this side of the family has ever met. I am sure that the stories of us "closed-minded Okies" was drilled into the girl's head. We saw one picture one time during one of his visits with us. The wife never, ever traveled back here with him, nor did she even make any excuses for her absence. I remember him as always joking around, always smiling and laughing. He obviously belonged in our family. Sometimes we wondered why in the world he would choose to marry someone who was his clear spiritual opposite, but then again, opposites do attract.

In any case, it is obvious that this woman had a great influence on our beloved family member, and certainly her attitude was passed on to their only daughter.

This year during fall break I tried my hardest to help my grandfather travel out to California to see his brother. We even figured out the price for air fare, rental cars, and even hotel rooms if necessary. The wife had flat out refused to see us, so we thought that if the trip would happen at all, we would have to just show up. It was our hope that she would at least grant us ten minutes to say hi and bye. Sadly, by the time we found where the uncle was located, it was too late. He was in a nursing home and in a comatose state, after suffering a major stroke two weeks prior.

My letters had been forwarded from the home address to the daughter. She replied by email. The daughter was cordial, by email at least. Not friendly by any means, but cordial. She stated that even if we were to travel there, her father would not be able to communicate, nor would he know that anyone was around. Grandpa decided that he would rather keep his good memories of his brother rather than to see him in such a condition, so we did not make the trip.

A couple weeks later I received an email from the daughter saying that her father had died, his body cremated by his request. She said not to send any sort of condolences, as they would not be necessary.

Recently our side of the family discovered that the great uncle actually had another child, a son, from his younger years. We are not sure if he was married to this other woman or if it was simply a love affair, but in any case there was another family member. This was her half brother. In this side of the family, finding new relatives, no matter how far removed, is a wonderful thing. Sadly, on the California side, this information is not desired.

I sent her an email, telling her about our discovery. I told her that I know it must be hard for her this holiday season, but perhaps finding a brother would be welcome news. I told her that I would not give out her personal contact information, as it would be up to her whether or not she wanted to contact the brother. Not only was the news unwelcome, but the reply email said that she did not want to hear from me or anyone else on this side of the family ever again, in all caps. If you are not familiar with email lingo, all caps is the equivalent of yelling. The email was most disrespectful all the way around, and many of her words were inappropriate to be repeated.

After reading this email I thought to myself, "Wow, she learned her mother's traits quite well."

We have other family members who have strayed far from the family tree as well. One family member in particular has chosen to start practicing Wicca (after being raised in church). Another family refuses to clean up after themselves at all, so much that the house is strongly infested with all sorts of pests, smells of cat and human feces, and has rotten food laying all around (after being taught to be sanitary). A young man in our family has decided to become a pot head, stop working all together, and live with a woman 13 years his senior who has 4 kids at the government's expense (after being taught the value of working for one's keep).

Granted, I would not wish to look down upon anyone for their own personal beliefs or individuality. Please don't misunderstand me. But when it comes to comparing the main family tree and family traditions to the ways of some of our extended family members, sometimes it is hard to understand how such an extreme difference could exist. I am reminded of a popular saying from the 90's that goes something like... "Things that make you say 'huh'."