Diffusing the Angry Child

Although expert child researchers are successful on recommending many positive ways to discipline an unruly child, I disagree that "time-out" sessions or "grounding" is as effective as other methods of discipline. I have raised my twelve year-old along with nieces, nephews, and stepchildren ranging from 0 to 17 and each have different attitudes and personalities that you can't just say, "Time out in the corner" or retract a favorite hobby or toy from the child without repercussion.

The force against child abuse or "spanking" is in effect, you can't seem to get a grip on an unruly, and disobedient child, so what do you do? Call the police? You just left the door wide open for your child to run from you when what you really want to do is bring him or her closer to you. The focus is on you. How well you deal with the tension between you and your child. Father or Mother.

It's all about communication. Communication happens with a touch, a smile, or a note. Expand the comfort zone to them and they will realize that they can tell you anything even if they know they're going to get in trouble. Busy parents need to tone down their schedules to accommodate this because it starts with the parents. Practice makes perfect. This will help you deal with other young ones, whether it's in your household or in others.

· It's a natural reaction to flame up at the first sign of a disobedient or unruly child, but, ask yourself, why are YOU angry. If it's because you're irritated with the child, then force yourself to calm because you can't fight fire with fire.

· Then ask the child why he or she is angry. The target or source of their anger would help you determine how to solve it. If they refuse to respond, then continue to explain why you're talking to them about it and that a problem can't solve itself if no one knows what it is. Always remind them that you are still supportive of them whatever the consequences.

· Always keep in mind that you need to keep explaining to them what your goal is for them and why you want them to be a better person. Remember, this is about them, not you.

· Throw in a few casual chat topics you know they have an interest in: wrestling, new movies coming out or gossip you heard about a celebrity. Tell a joke or something funny that happened to you to make them laugh. The object here is to make them open up and if they chuckle, it's your cue that there's progress.

· Give them a few examples of what it was like when you were growing up, how you understand what they feel and how different it is being an adult and what you remember at their age.

· Remind them that you love them and that you will have your ear open to them at any time and if you can't promise them at any time, then use, leave me a message at my bedside.

· Give them space to breath. An angry child is harder to calm when an adult is breathing down their neck, but tell them that you are ready when they are.

Let's say you have the type of teen you feel doesn't care what you say or do and they're overwhelmed with hatred or anger that it's beyond control for either of you.

· First, make sure they're not on drugs and if they are, you need expert counseling. Get it fast if you are to manage your household properly. You can't diffuse a drug-induced anger. No one can.

· They are suffering from either an identity or social crisis or going through a rebellious stage. Remind them that you are still supportive, but they have to meet you halfway and you don't condone radical behavior.

· Pay attention to details. Friends and enemies; likes, dislikes, interests. Information is power and they will feel as if you are interested in them and make them feel comfortable to gossip with you, but always remind them that if there is a situation that requires adult intervention, you must do your obligation and speak up against it.

Sure there are times where you feel like you're feelings are neglected and that someone has to take the blame for your misery, but the one thing that people fail to see or realize is that everyone has a choice and the power to overturn their misery. You have the right to feel miserable, to allow it to shadow you from what could be a beautiful day, but you don't have the right to make others feel like you do, especially your children.

Showing disgust, anger, or ignorance will cause your child(ren) to mirror those feelings and it is in their nature to behave in a manner they have been taught. Every human person, young and old alike, crave positive interaction because it is from the heart that our behavior is reacting from. Mold the heart and you mold the mind. Child rearing is extremely frustrating and wearisome, but it is an obligation to which we, as adults, are expected to uphold in light of creating a more wholesome future for all of humanity.

If you cannot control your emotions or feel as if you are losing control, then you need counseling for the sake of your well-being and others who have to interact with you. The positive outcome of your child's future begins with the parent's positive influence. Many households raise their children in an environment similar to their upbringing, however, the parent, in any generation, have the power to break the abusive chain. Your child should be treated like any person deserving of respect and they are never too young for you to talk to in a manner that you would like them to talk to you. Finally, ALWAYS end your talks with "I love you".