Dirty Internet Tricks

Two years ago, when I first went online, I was impressed by the wealth of information to be had from the Internet. I could research virtually everything, without numerous trips to the library. I could buy things without using a drop of gas. I have met other musicians, writers, and politically-minded people from all over the world!

When I first discovered online forums and blogs, I though I found a golden opportunity to intelligently discuss a plethora of subjects with people who would respect others with different opinions. HOO, boy, did I miss the mark with that one!

For such a streetwise person, I was pretty frickin' naive to assume the Online World would be any different. I guess I assumed that computer-literate people would somehow be smarter and more polite than at least an old alley cat like myself, but soon found that the World Wide Web can be every bit as mean as the streets (yeah, like the streets of Bangkok)!

The twist, however, is at least on the street, you have to deal with people face to face; the streetwise know that you just can't go up to anybody and run your mouth, and if you do, you better be ready for a fight. In Cyberspace, however, you can flap that jaw like Barney Badass to anyone, being as insulting and derogatory as you want, without worrying about taking an ambulance ride to the ER.

Yeah, through both experience and the kind help of those more net-savvy than myself, I have learned some of the tricks people use to bully and intimidate other Web users, and how to keep from getting sucked into the bull durham they cause!

One tactic I noticed immediately is when a user follows somebody all over a forum or other public message board to plant derogatory remarks about every comment they say. This is the cyber-equivalent to sitting in a bar with your buds, minding your own business, and some belligerent drunk picks you out for hell-knows-why, and starts messing with you, following you all over the bar whenever you change your seat.

I notice that some people handle this scenario by getting sucked into a petty back-and-forth argument with their haranguer, which accomplishes nothing. This is the apparent goal of the cyber-bully; to run you out of a forum or keep you busy retorting to his taunts so you can't get any meaningful work done! Other's handle this problem by simply ignoring the prick, and letting him trash them everywhere they post comments.

Another bully tactic is when several users seemingly gang up on one person. They tend to heckle random people, as a group, everywhere they go. More often than not, these seemingly different profiles are all alternate accounts owned by the same person.

For instance, on websites where one can post, say, poetry, you click on one account, and see a vast body of published work. Now, click on the members of this guy's fan club, and often, you will notice that they haven't posted a thing, and they all happen to come from the same town as their hero! See, the owner of the main account creates other "dummy" accounts for the sole purpose of making himself look good by posting positive comments about their work, and making others look bad by posting negative comments about their work!

Another dirty trick is to constantly vote down postings, articles, or comments with which they disagree. They will often return to the offending piece again and again to vote it down, trying to drive the overall rating of the piece all the way to zero. The irony to this tactic is that it has nothing to do with the quality of the piece, but it is only being done because they disagree with the content of the piece.

I see it alot: Christians versus Atheists, Republicans versus Democrats, Metal drummers versus Jazz drummers, Pro-gunners versus gun-grabbers, pro-lifers versus pro choicers, vegans versus carnivores, and on and on and freakin' on, all the time voting down each other's work. So much for intelligent point/counterpoint discussion!

And then there's the "meat puppet". This guy likes to act like an extremely psychotic person who holds views opposite from his, and go posting really sick, insulting things wherever he can. The meat puppet will often establish an alternate account as, say, a Democrat, and then go around to all the online political forums, posting inflammatory remarks calling, say, for the assassination of the president. Or he could be posing as a Republican, running around Cyberspace calling for, say, murdering gay people.

This makes things really confusing; is this guy for real, or is he just trying to start some sh--? Such is the purpose of the meat puppet: To cause confusion through dishonesty, misrepresenting his enemies to the world as evil, extremely disturbed people, and unfortunately, it seems to work, because very few people go online in search of truth or facts, but rather, things they can use to justify opinions and views they've already formed a long time ago.

But my most favoritest bully tactic in the World Wide Web is when I get personally attacked in my private message box for being a bigot, nazi, neocon, liberal, pussy, sadist, dumbass, or any other rank name these brilliant geniuses can think up. Often times, I am threatened with violence and even death. I don't take any of their shuck n' jive seriously, though, because I know them to be the rantings of pussies who run their mouths because they know chances are they will never be found. All I can say on that subject is "Thank god for the block and delete option!"

See, on the streets, most folks who have a problem with you won't waste their breath talkin' trash to you; they will just show up to kick your ass! I have had a real-world education that involves many scars, shots to the head, bloody noses, and fat lips. Once, I even spent three days in a coma, and was once pronounced dead during my limbo (but that's a different story). I have been in more street fights and brawls than I ever care to remember.

What does this have to do with "Dirty Internet Tricks", you ask? Simple. A pussy can't do anything but run his mouth. They take sucker-punches at you when your not looking, but will never fight you face-to-face. They do things like drive-by shootings, or jump you from behind on a dark street. So, when you come across somebody on the Web who can only taunt, heckle, threaten, and bully, chances are you are dealing with some little punk who still lives with his mommy, so has to screw with people he's never met who haven't done a damn thing to him, just to feel like a big, bad man!

My mind goes back to a boy I grew up with who rode around in his VW Rabbit with his CB radio taunting truck drivers on Channel 19. He'd say pointless things, like "F--- you, truckers", and really rile 'em up good sometimes. One particular incident, I had the misfortune of having to ride with his drunken ass while he taunted a certain trucker rolling down I-40, who just happened to be behind him! Did he back up all that tough talk by pulling over like the trucker suggested?

Hell, no! He exited under a low-clearance underpass that the truck couldn't fit under, and just kept running that mouth. That trucker told him "Why don't you try walkin' into a barrrom full of us and talk your sh--?", but he never would, not even on a drunken dare!

And such is the cowardly cyber-bully who uses dirty internet tricks!