Disability Etiquette: A Little Something that Can Make You More Comfortable

I am a 29-year-old wheelchair user. I have cerebral palsy. Cerebral Palsy is defined by the US government's National Institutes of Health's website Medline Plus as, "a group of disorders that affect a person's ability to move and to maintain balance and posture." I have had CP, as I'll call it since birth and will for the rest of my life.

Although I am used to my particular set of circumstances, as most adults with disabilities are, not everyone around those of with disabilities may be so inclined. It is true that not all disabilities are the same,people's attitudes can vary and so can how a disability affects each person with it. Some can't even be seen with the naked untrained eye. Some things that may or may not occur to the average able-bodied person can have an impact on the interaction between people with disabilitites and the able-bodied.

These things, may seem obvious to just about everyone. If they are not that's perfectly okay,people get nervous,don't want to offend, or are just plain uncomfortable. All of this is truly ok, just please realize that people with disabilites can and will only do so much to make you comfortable. The following guidelines are general,but they will help both you and your disabled counterpart be more at ease with each other. Please keep in mind these are all based on my own experience.

When reffering to someone who is disabled and their disability its always best to ask the person with the disability what term they prefer. Terms for the disabled such as "handicapped" or "crippled" which have derogatory orgins are not often used in the disabled community and are considered very offensive in some cases.

Also when reffering to someone and their disability, please mention the person first. We have the disability it doesn't have us, unless we allow it. For example, if you meet a group of people and one or two are disabled it is much more respectful to not later refer to the individual based on their use of equipment or a physical attribute that might exsist due to their disability. For example, never say "I'm looking for the fellow with the cane that I met at the meeting last Tuesday", try to remember the person's name. If that fails try to use another identifying feature like, "I'm looking for the fellow with the blue eyes and blonde hair that was at the meeting last Tuesday. I'm sorry I can't remember his name".

If you see someone with a disability struggling with something and want to help, ask if they actually need it , they may not. It may just take a bit longer or look different from what you may be used to seeing. Please keep in mind that we can do things for ourselves it can just take longer or be done differently. Most people will ask for any assistance they might need.

If the assistance involves something physical such as a transfer from wheelchair to a regular chair, do not assist unless you have been trained on doing so. If you want to be trained to help someone ask that individual and whoever may be helping them to show you how to help them or take a class on how to do things properly as I've said everyone's different.

Injury to both you and the person needing help can be avoided this way. Most people who might need this kind of help usually bring someone along who can assist or just avoid any such situation altogether. If you are uncomfortable with something in general just politely decline or try to help them find someone who can help.

Some people with disabilities often use equipment in their daily lives. Please do not touch or use this equipment without prior permission and/or instructions on how to use it. The equipment can cost tens of thousands of dollars, is hard to obtain, and assistive devices are not toys and can cause physical harm if used incorrectly. The cardinal rule to follow in regard to equipment: unless you are prepared to deal with an injury or pay for new or repaired equipment-DO NOT TOUCH.

In addition to equipment disabled people may sometimes have assistants that help them with various tasks like personal care, physical therapy, a treatment of some sort, or housework. These are just a few examples, no matter what the task please realize that someone may not be available while their assistant is visiting them, just before the assistant is due to arrive, or while they are being helped.

Staffing is very hard to obtain and very expensive, the particular caregiver may have to travel far, and they are often only available for a certain amount time and at certain times each day. Your friend or family member is most likely not the only client they have. They have to get to other people that need help. Any delays may cost them time and a job, as well as possibly costing your friend or family member money.

Don't take it personally if you get an answering machine while someone's staff is in working or you're asked to wait to call or visit until the staff has left for the day or what may be the time being. A lot of what may need to be done requires concentration, thoroughness, and is often done slowly. This is largely done for safety. If you want know more about why things like this might be needed just ask, but don't expect a highly detailed answer. Anything more detailed is none of your business. Most people who need help like this are very private about it. Honestly, they aren't jumping for joy that they are needing help with personal care it's not very conducive to privacy. Having to cut time out with people short because they need to be back home in time for their staff to arrive isn't too great sometimes either. Understanding and patience can go a long way-trust me.

Never ask someone else what a disabled person wants,needs or likes. Even if somebody isn't able to use verbal speech, they may very well use a device or sign language and an interpreter to help them communicate. The assumption that you are not able to be understood is often times incorrect and found very offensive. Also, please keep in mind that just because a physical problem is present that does not mean that a mental or some other one always exists. There is not always a need to speak louder or slower.

As you can tell,the life of a disabled person is fairly complicated. It is my hope that with this article comes a greater understanding and an open forum for communication. I have it very lucky and wouldn't change any of the things that have happened to me for anything. Believe me, this article only covers the tip of the iceberg. It's not easy being me or anyone like me. Being human at all isn't easy.

As difficult,frustrating, and scheduled as things can be I always try to remember things could be worse. I could need multiple medications-I take none. I could have kidney disease, I do not. Thankfully,I have a loving and patient family and great friends to fight my battles with me. Everyday that I let my CP stop me from doing anything I want or being myself-it has won. War Over.

Bottomline is ladies and gentlemen, those of us with disabilities aren't that much different from the rest of the world. Yes, things take longer and are done differently but the things that are done are largely the same things everybody else does. We have jobs, go to school, have homes to care for, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends,hobbies, and children.

If you want to know something, ask. Don't assume anything, it'll save both you and the party with the disability a lot of embrassment and anger respectively. Thanks for reading...see you next time.