Disabled Mothers

Being a mother is hard enough; being a disabled mother can be an exceptionally difficult experience. Whether mothering a baby, a toddler, an elementary-school aged child, or a teenager, the growing years are a tough enough time to raise children when you are healthy; add in a chronic condition or disability, and mothering can seem nearly impossible.

While "disabled" is a legal term, "chronic condition" is a broader term used to describe people with ongoing health problems that have a diagnosis. Physical health problems for mothers often include autoimmune disorders, such as fibromyalgia, lupus, and rheumatoid arthritis. A woman in her 20s or 30s who receives one of these diagnoses may very well have toddler and preschool-aged children at home. Struggling to raise small children while managing an increasingly difficult chronic condition or disability is a challenge few abled parents can understand.

Disabled mothers need to be aware of some important facts to keep in mind:

1. A disability or chronic condition can be managed, and should not interfere with the ability to love children. If the emotional struggle with disability or a chronic condition causes negativity in the house, seek psychological counseling.

2. Disabled mothers must realize they simply cannot do all of the housework, yardwork, and childcare that they could when abled. Get help from a partner, the children, friends and family, or hire help. This isn't about being lazy or picky or not being organized enough; it's about preserving your health.

3. Look into state medical programs that offer household or medical health aides. In some states, people who receive federal social security disability benefits automatically qualify for Medicaid, and therefore receive a home health aide as well. The home health aide helps with disease management but also often helps with cooking, light housekeeping, and child care. Contact your state's department of disabilities for more information.

4. Be clear to friends and family when your condition is acting up and causing problems. Many chronic conditions are cyclical in nature. One week you may be fine, and the next week you can barely climb out of bed. Let people know how your chronic condition works, so they know you're not just being depressed or rude when you can't make scheduled events, or can't manage basic household or parenting tasks.

5. Respect your limits. Conserve energy for the important things. While the yard may be a mess, saving your energy for your child's school play is more important than leaves in the yard.

Disabled mothers, or those managing chronic conditions, are an under-discussed subgroup in the United States. As autoimmune disorder rates increase in the U.S., more and more mothers find themselves dealing with their own health problems while managing small children. Use these tips to make mothering through a chronic condition a better balance for your family.