Disadvantages of Children's Playgroups: Convenience Isn't Always Everything

You hear about the many reasons playgroups are wonderful for children, especially preschoolers. Your child learns to share and behave in a group. You get the advice of other mothers. It sounds good, but what about the negatives of playgroups? Are there any? I say yes, and here's why.

I'm a very private person. I don't like gossip and like it or not, that's what happens when you put a bunch of women together. My experiences have been with wives who want to husband bash the whole time the kids are playing. I end up feeling like a dummy for not having something bad to say about my husband!?! The sad thing about this was, my attempts to change the subject almost always led to a negative discussion about another mother which left me feeling worse.

I'm just not that nuts about children. I love my own dearly, but seems to me when you put too many together to play, you end up refereeing the whole time. Every time I've had my child in a playgroup, a fight has erupted an average of every 3-5 minutes. My child is very sensitive and doesn't like noise so when these kids would start screaming and throwing tantrums, she would cover her ears and cry softly. It began to seem like more hassle than it was worth and I felt like my child was miserable. Kids really can be brats and to me it doesn't make much sense to make my child play with kids who are pinching and hitting her.

Then, there's the mother who doesn't discipline or who makes there child apologize. The worst instance of this came when a child punched my daughter and was told to "apologize" to her. Inside I was screaming. I mean, I felt he needed spanked, at the very least a time out. Instead, he muttered sorry and went about his business as tears streamed down the swollen face of my daughter. It can be very hard to remain civil in those types of situations, at least for me.

The "I can outdo you" mothers. I've never cared about "keeping up with the Joneses." As much as I can say that, however, it can become a little maddening when you feel like there are one or two in the group who are hell bent on outdoing everyone else. They weigh less, their husbands make more money, their minivan has a better television, they do more for the church so God loves them more. You know who I'm talking about. The perfect goody-two shoes with the perfect life who loves to rub your nose in it. You want to knock that mother's lights out, but you can't. You have to sit and listen about how little John Jr. is believed to be a genius by all who have met him and how already at the tender age of two, mommy and daddy have already set aside $100,000 for his education. If we could all be that lucky.

So, I have decided there's no shame in giving up on a playgroup. I'm going to shop around. I'm thinking there should be a checklist mothers go by before choosing to join one. Some things to look for being at least one mother who is already a friend of yours, a smaller group, and kids your child's own age. Even if the playgroup seems perfect in the beginning, expect issues. If those issues become unbearable, bow out gracefully. There's nothing wrong with it.