Discipline, Children and Being in Public

Most people agree that parents need to take steps in actively disciplining their children, so why do so many disapprove or even step in the way when a parent attempts to bring a naughty child back into line in public?

I'm not talking about taking a belt to a child as in no way would I ever advocate abusing a child. No I'm talking about something as simple as taking them to one side and letting them know that their behavior is not acceptable, or using time out, or even removing the child from the situation?

I'm a mother, with two young children at home, one is seven, the other is four, and they are both very strong willed children who constantly test the boundaries of what is and is not acceptable behavior. They come by their stubborn streak honestly from both of their parents, but I am all too well aware that if I do not do my best to step up and be a parent then not only will I pay the consequences but so will my children.

My children are not perfect, I don't expect them to be angels. I do, however, expect them to behave within set guidelines, especially when we are out and about. Or they will lose privileges and face the consequences.

The steps I take when one, or both of them act up when we are out and about are these.

First step, I talk to them, explain what they are doing that is unacceptable, and why it needs to stop. If I'm very lucky that will work. A lot depends on what mood they are in, and how badly they want to test the limits of my patience. Yes, children do that, they will judge the reactions of the adults around them, find a reaction they like and continue to press that button again and again. This part of discipline others around us do not appear to mind, but that approval quickly vanishes with the next step.

Second step. If the talk and warning hasn't worked and they continue to act up then they are put on time out. I've had some dirty looks shot my way when someone has overheard me say to one of the children. "I will find a pole, or a section of wall to put you on time out if this continues." As far as I'm concerned if they are going to misbehave in public then they suffer the consequences in public. And because they do know I will put them on time out there and then a warning to do so now, more often than not, will put a stop to whatever they are doing. Yet I've been given dirty looks, heard whispers of 'what an awful woman' and been called a 'bitch' for stepping up and disciplining my children.

The third and final step, which I've seen only one other parent do in recent years, is to remove the child from the situation. The only time I've had to go this far is when one of the children has thrown an outright, full blown, screaming and shouting, temper tantrum. At that point either myself or my husband will remove our screaming child to the car and sit with them in the car until they are calm again, or at least ready to listen. We don't say a word to them other than. "We're going to the car until you can calm down".

Now, although we've not been attacked for this, the one other parent I've witnessed doing this with their child was stopped in the car lot and accused of abusing the child because the child was screaming for 'Mommy'. Don't get me wrong, if the person doing the accusing had handled it in a calm way it wouldn't have been a big deal. But, instead, they pointed at the person and screamed for the cops. They didn't stop and think, or ask, or watch to see if the parent sat in the car. Nor did they come in on the tail end of it, with just the screaming child being carried out. This person followed the parent out, having heard (as it turned out) exactly what the parents had agreed to do, but obviously, because the child was distressed that parent was abusing the child?

Being a parent and enforcing discipline on children is hard enough as it is without those around us making it worse.

What are parent's supposed to do then? Just blithely ignore when our children step out of line? No, of course not, those self same people who protest when we, as parents, do something about our children mis-behaving, are often the first ones to complain about the harried parent in front of them with two or more children whining, throwing temper tantrums and slowing the check out line down.

So to those parents who brave the looks, the whispers, or the name calling, or perhaps more, take heart. You're stepping up and doing a damn difficult job. You're a parent. Continue to be a parent with everything that comes with that job. It takes a lot more courage to stay the course and keep the lines in place regardless of where you are than it does to back down just because someone who doesn't have to live with your children is muttering something, or shooting a hard look your way.

Have courage. You're not alone.