Discipline Tips: When Time-Out Isn't Appropriate

When it comes to disciplining your children, there are many different methods out there that we hear people discuss. As a mom to four (soon to be five) children of my own, my favorite method is the Time Out method. We use time-outs for our kids aged 2-12 and it is just as affective for all of them. They sit through them with no problems. You also have to do the time-out correctly for it to be affective. We use the method taught by Jo Frost.

However, sometimes a time-out is not necessary or there needs to be a more appropriate consequence for the action. For this, we have a list of responsibilities and consequences that we use. For example, time outs are usually used for behavior issues- hitting or yelling, saying mean words, refusing to do what mom or dad ask, tantrums, etc.

Then there are other things such as forgetting to do a chore or not performing a task correctly where a time out might not be the appropriate response. This is when we use our responsibilities/consequences list. The kids like to see the rules and consequences listed in print because it gives them consistency and it helps us as parents in the heat of the moment when you're thinking "what do I do about this?" because you have already planned it out.

For example, if one of my older children does a poor job at a chore such as loading the dishwasher because he was rushing off to do things he wants to be doing, then a time out isn't really fitting but we will ask him to do the dishes over again until they are cleaned properly. This eats into his free time and he faces the consequences of not doing the job correctly the first time. Typically, my children will correct their own negative behaviors once they are held accountable a few times.

If one of my younger children doesn't want to share a toy with the other one, I might first talk to them and ask them why. Often times they are not trying to be mean but may have a logical reason for why they don't want to share and this is something you can calmly resolve my talking about it. This will also teach your children that talking it out can solve many problems without there being a need to resort to other actions.

The Time Out Technique works wonders when executed properly but don't be so quick to place your child in time out for each and every offense. Make sure the situation warrants it first and that your child is not listening or behaving reasonably before turning to the time out. Sometimes a calm conversation will fix the problem in a cinch.

More parenting tips from Lisa:

Following Through With Your Discipline

How to Create an Emergency Safety Plan for Your Children

Mothering a Daughter with ADHD