Disconnecting from the Mormon Church
A Personal Account
Raised in a home with an abusive father, I am strong believer that the Mormon Missionaries who showed up at our home, in New Jersey, in 1978 were sent by the grace of God. For my mother, joining the Mormon church, in my opinion, was a last effort to improve the quality of life for our family. With a rich and committed belief in family, I feel, it was my mother's hope that the beliefs of the Mormon church would instill value and commitment into my abusive father and, hopefully, improve the life of both myself and my siblings.
Unfortunately, in the few years following our joining of the Mormon church, our family life persisted in deterioration. With physical, verbal and emotional abuse, even the Mormon teachings were not strong enough to soften the heart of my father.
In the early 80s, after moving to Washington, DC, my parents separated and, subsequently, divorced. As an adult, I recall Mormon church members making the weekly trip to my home to pick me up so that I could attend church and continue to interact with young women my own age. Then, age the age of 12, I experienced a significant turning point.
Following a sacrament meeting, I sat in a pew of the chapel reading my Book of Mormon. As I sat quietly, struggling with my quickly deteriorating home life, I overheard a female member of the church begin to discuss the intimate details of our family life with another family member. Not only was I shocked to over hear the haphazard discussion of my personal life among church members I didn't know, I was even more shocked to hear these women discuss the potential excommunication of my mother and father. As a child, I knew these women did not possess the authority to ex-communicate my parents but, even more significant, was the fact that this chapel, that I was considered my place of refuge from the deteriorating family home, was no longer a place I could come to rest my soul.
At the age of 12, I felt violated by the spiritual leaders I felt closest too and felt I no longer had a place of spiritual calmness. I made the decision to not return to the church after that time.
In the years following those events, my parents divorced and remarried. While neither was ex-communicated, my father chose to discontinue attending the church while my mother continued to persevere and continue her service to the Mormon church diligently. Through these years, my mother has been assertive in her approach that I return to the church. Going so far as to supply the church with my change of addresses, I have faced the reality that removing my name and my identity from the church is not possible. Wherever I go, the Mormon church members have found me and attempted to visit me at my home. As a result, I have continued to feel violated and have not found the spiritual or emotional influence to return to the church.
On two occasions, I have visited the Mormon church simply out of curiosity. I believe I am searching for my spiritual connection and want to provide the Mormon church members with my unbiased approach to rekindle my connection. However, with each visit to the church, I simply feel as if I don't fit in. Not willing to practice the stringent lifestyle, I am simply concerned the members of the Mormon church will continue to be unacceptable of me and my family as they did in the early 1980s.
While the church has served millions of members, and improved lives of thousands, I am simply unwilling to subject myself nor my family to the open criticism of the Mormon church members who practice the stringent lifestyle without tolerance for those who stray from the teachings.
Published by Christine Cadena
Working on a graduate degree in psychology, Christine has both professional and educational background in health, wellness, insurance, and health finance. Finance expands to all facets of health and insuran... View profile
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- At the age of 12, I felt violated by the spiritual leaders I felt closest too and felt I no longer had a place of spiritual calmness
- Raised in a home with an abusive father, I am strong believer that the Mormon Missionaries who showed up at our home, in New Jersey, in 1978 were sent by the grace of God
- As an adult, I recall Mormon church members making the weekly trip to my home to pick me up so that I could attend church and continue to interact with young women my own age
9 Comments
Post a CommentI am so happy that you found your way out of this CULT that will brain wash you into their lies. To help other see the truth please go to: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8092669/what_are_mormons_afraid_of_the_truth.html?cat=34
This will take time but your life will be forever thankful.
Good article! I too am an ex Mormon but I was in the church for 40 years, also living the principles of Mormon polygamy. Keep writing I enjoyed your article...
I am so sorry you had to experience this. I know where you are coming from. I left the church for a few years and recently returned after some soul searching and coming to the realization that the people in the church that hurt me didn't do it on purpose. I too had an abusive father and I was angry that the members didn't do enough to help me, despite going into the bishop's office and asking for help. That bishop made a bad decision and so did other members but I came back for me and my spiritual life. If you want your name removed from the records you can do that and also tell them to not visit you again. If you decide that you own day want to go back, that's up to you. I hope you find peace in whatever you do.
Sammie, I believe you are confusing Joseph Smith with Brigham Young.
Thats Mormon for you. The religion is founded on the doctrines of a man who asserted
"It is my will, that in time, ye should take unto you wives of the Lamanites and Nephites (Indians), that their posterity may become white, delightsome, and just."
It should come to no surprise that a religion founded upon the ideals of an idiot misogynist would only breed as such.
If you ask for your name to be removed from the church records, and also ask that no one come to your home, they do respect that. I know. I have done it. (My article, Leaving the Mormon Church, tells of my experience.)
I was so sorry to hear how you were treated, at a time when you needed the most affirmation. However, those ladies who so wrongly gossipped about you aren't the ones who are suffering from separation. Is the Church true or isn't it? We're not perfect...that's why we need God. Unfortunately we hurt each other so often. I've been hurt too. I was sexually harassed by another member once, but I didn't leave the Church over it. My testimony was of the gospel, not the person who hurt me. The hardest thing to do sometimes is to forgive. Whatever you decide, I hope that you'll find peace over these things. I wish I had the power to take this pain away from you, but there is Someone who can. Good luck to you.
I echo Sharon's sentiments. It always saddens and angers me when members of the church are hypocritical in words or actions. It is often difficult to remember that although the gospel may be true and "perfect," we as people are not. There are many worldwide who do live the teachings and are accepting of others no matter their lifestyle, and I wish that those people were the ones that people noticed and remembered when thinking about the church. Unfortunately, human nature usually prevails.
I kept going back and reading your words twice or thrice - wondering if you were one of my daughters - our stories are so similar. I cannot argue with your disgust with members who betrayed your privacy. It happened to us too. One daughter has never returned to activity. After much turmoil and inactivity, I was drawn to return because I believe in the truthfulness of the Church. I cannot say that I believe in any member of the church. I am not supposed to. We humans are fallible - some more than others! - and that fact alone should turn our trust to God. I learned that when I could enlarge my testimony of my only True Friend, Jesus Christ, then I was in the right place!