Discovering Social Networking: Newly Single and Online

Approximately one year ago, I discovered social networking. My best friend convinced me that it would be fun, and that it would be good for me. After just ending a nine-year relationship and trying to make my way back in to the society of single people, it didn't take much convincing. I found myself staring at my computer screen 10 minutes later, trying to figure out what MySpace was all about and how to use HTML to make this thing pretty. I have to tell you: It was very confusing and kind of scary for me. I had been using computers for years, but not for things like this. I was that mom that looked up every symptom of a cold and played games with my kids on all those cartoon Web sites. So here I was, 31 years old, with not a clue what I was getting myself into.

I will start by admitting to you that I didn't really even know the purpose of this site other than for predators to find young kids to stalk. That is all you ever heard about it on the news and I wondered how I was talked in to it so quickly and what I was doing here, I'm old! After calling my sister and asking what this HTML code thing was all about, I soon realized that that part was pretty simple and that soon enough I would be able to express my creativity on a daily basis if I liked. So I found my first layout code and pasted it on my page and then I sat there and wondered OK, ummmm, what next? Nothing happened and I had no idea what I was supposed to do so I signed out and went about my mommy business.

I came back to the computer a couple hours later to check my email and low and behold I had about ten friend requests. If I wasn't confused before I sure was now. Why in the heck do these people want to be my friend? I don't know any of them, what could they possibly want from me? So I went along in my friend request folder and clicked on each person's profile page to see what they were about. I soon realized that they all seemed to be either some middle aged man that only had women friends on his page and seemed to have a bunch of sexually graphic pictures and sayings or someone asking if I wanted a free iPod. So if I wasn't scared enough of this site before I sure was now. This seemed to be nothing more than a way to catch a virus, either for my computer or for my person. Neither of these sounded like a good idea so I denied them all and immediately called my friend and asked what she had got me in to. Thankfully she had a clue what this was all about. She told me that this was a way for me to reconnect with old friends and to maybe make a few new ones. She told me to go and do a search for names of old friends and to browse the site by my zip code and that I would be surprised to see all the people on there that I probably already knew. Wow, was i surprised.

I did what she said and I was so excited. I found old friends from college and high school. I found some of my friends from my bar hoping days (before the relationship and kids) I went friend request crazy. It was like finding a million lost dollars under your floor boards. I must have sat on this computer for a week straight waiting for all of these people to respond and be as excited as I was that I found them. Some of them were just as excited as I was, being that I hadn't seen or spoken to some of these friends in ten to twelve years. We exchanged all of our current stats on kids and marriages and drama. It was nice to reconnect and see where they all were in their lives. But once you find all your old friends, what then?

Well this is where all the strange things come in to play. You soon begin to realize that as a single woman there is a slew of single men on these sites that like to message you and friend request you. I like to call them my "creeps". It is like someone posted a bulletin or notice or mass email stating that there is a new girl on here. Let's get her! I very quickly learned to not go to anyone's page that didn't have a picture, they were selling or giving something away, with a catch I'm sure. I also learned that you probably shouldn't talk to or accept a friend request from anyone that has a screen name like The Destroyer, or Mr. Hot Stuff. I believe they are there for one reason, to destroy you or collect your picture on there top friends. I made a decision that I would not add anyone to my friends list unless they sent me a message first. If i didn't receive a message first that seemed half way normal, I didn't accept the request, no matter how normal the page seemed. This was a good way to weed out the serious people. If I was going to try and make actual friends here, I wanted them to be real people and on my friends list as an actual friend.

I learned the hard way that just because someone portrays themselves one way on line, this may not be who or what they are in real life. It is easy to put in your description the person that you someday hope to be or the characteristics of the person that I may want you to be. Lets be realistic. In a way your selling yourself and who is gonna buy a friendship with a thirty-something player that has five kids by four different moms and is $50,000.00 behind in his child support. It is much easier to say that he is looking for love and is a proud parent that hasn't found the right woman yet. You need to be very cautious about what you believe. They can say anything that they want to try and draw you in, then you meet them and it isn't the case. It really is all a big game of sending sweet comments and messages until you feel that you can trust them. Some of them you can. I have met some wonderful people in my experience, but I have also met some not so genuine ones as well. You just have to be careful and not put to much weight on all those comments telling you how wonderful you are. Remember they haven't met you either, so how do they know how fantastic you are? They don't! It makes you feel good though, and this helps to break down your protective wall.

So if you have a page on a social networking site or are considering it, here are a few tips to help you get through. Commit them to memory and use them regularly. If someone messages you and asks you to participate in a sexual act, they don't want to be your friend. This goes back to that whole virus thing. Be selective about who you friend request and who you accept, if your a quality person, surround yourself with quality people. Only believe about half of what you read on someone's page until they prove otherwise. Some people's lives are an open book and are honest, but you don't know them so you can not be sure. If you come across a page for a man or a woman that only has people of the opposite sex as friends, there is probably a problem here. Any well rounded quality person has friends of both sexes. And last but not least, trust your instincts. If something just doesn't seem right, it probably isn't. Happy surfing to you all, and remember to be cautious while your having fun out there. It could be a matter of life and death, or happiness versus heartbreak.