Discussing God with Your Children - when You Don't Believe

Speaking with our children about religion can often be a difficult thing. No matter how much you practice and prepare, you can almost always count on a child asking something that you were totally unprepared for. This task is all the more challenging for those who practice alternate faiths. How do you talk to your child about God when you're an atheist or agnostic?

Start With Praise

Whenever your child comes to you with a question, they should be praised, even if it's a question that you don't know how to answer. "That's a good question!" is always a good way to start off a conversation and it offers your child encouragement - not only to explore more, but also to come to you for answers to questions they don't understand. Never make your child feel guilty about a question they ask, or let them think you feel 'put out' by trying to start a question and answer session.

Open vs. Closed Doors

Do you remember what it was like, when you were a child and you encountered a locked door? It didn't matter how many open doors were in the place, the door you wanted to see behind was that one that was kept closed. Children are the same way when it comes to conversations - If you close a door in your conversation with them, they will do their best to find another way to get past the barrier and find the answers that they seek. For this reason, alone, you should never adopt an "I'm right and they're all wrong" stance. It's important that your children talk to you and, by not opening that door, you risk the chance that they may turn to others for the answers that they seek.

Being Fair and Honest

Religion is a touchy subject. It has started debates and wars for centuries. He thinks he's right. She thinks she's right. They believe this and those people, over there, believe that. Rather than saying "I don't believe," and lobbing the ball back into your child's court, try to keep a fair and open attitude in regards to the religious beliefs of others, as well as your own. Be careful to keep a neutral tone and don't belittle others for their beliefs - you want to teach your child that different people believe different things... and that's okay to do.

When my children questioned me about God and my beliefs, I explained that there were many different faiths and beliefs in the world, and I talked to them about similarities and differences. Something that really helped with my son, in particular, was going back to ancient Greek, Roman and Egyptian mythology, and telling him some of those stories and discussing the religions of ancient people. Some things, he found to be funny and strange, while he agreed with other aspects. Next, we discussed Christianity and the similarities and differences there. By showing him how the ancient religions changed, as Christianity and other book religions were introduced, he was better able to understand how religious beliefs could have subtle or drastic differences.

When your child asks you questions like "Who is God?" or "Why Don't You Believe in God?" it's very important to take a deep breath and remember to be fair. I believe one of the best ways to start is by saying, "Well, that's a very good question! Did you know lots of people in the world believe different things about God?" This opens the door for you to discuss all different aspects of religion and spirituality with your child, as opposed to simply saying, "I don't believe," and closing the door.

Open the Doors for Exploration

One of the best things that you can do for your child, is to let them explore and examine. Naturally, you don't want to send your 6-year old off to church by themselves, but you might agree to take them to Sunday school and see how they like it, or perhaps arrange to meet with a local minister and allow him to help answer some questions. Afterwards, you can discuss with your child what they thought about it and talk about your own thoughts and feelings.

By opening these doors and agreeing to take your child to church, or helping them to learn about God (regardless of your own personal beliefs), you are not only allowing your child to explore and discuss their own beliefs and spirituality, but you are also strengthening your bond with your child and teaching them that it's alright to come to you with questions. Also, by keeping an open mind and being positive about the experience, you are also teaching your child acceptance. Remember - they learn from our example.