Dividing Your Children's Time During the Holidays

Holidays are meant to be spent with families. In the ideal world, that means Mom and Dad together in one house. However, in the real world, there is a thing called divorce. Divorce divides a family. It breaks a family into two pieces. Children of divorced parents often spend holidays scurrying from one parent's home to the other. There are often feelings of guilt about leaving one parent to go to the other. Or they may not get to see the other parent at all during the holiday season.

How parents handle the division of time during the holidays can make this difficult situation easier or harder for their children. Of course, the best solution would be for Dad to come over and spend the holiday with Mom and the kids. Or visa versa. And in some cases, this does happen, but not very often. Usually there is a lot of bitterness, as we all know. Divorce can and does cause a lot of bad feelings. So many times, Mom and Dad together might not be a good idea. Or one of the parties may have remarried or be involved with someone else. Divorce does cause a lot of complications.

Parents should try to come to some agreement as to holiday time. They need to actually work this out, without putting the children in the middle. The best solution is to come up with a plan that allows the children to see both their parents during the holiday season. Although some courts do designate which holidays will be spent with whom, children need to spend some time with both their parents during the holidays. This may not always be possible, especially if one parent lives far away. But if both parents are in the same city, they should put their bitterness aside for the sake of the children.

Even if one parent has court appointed custody, the right thing to do is to allow your children time with the other parent. Children could spend Christmas Eve at one parent's home and then come home for Christmas Day. There should also be some time set aside for visits to the grandparents. Grandparents often suffer tremendously after their child's divorce. They can feel as helpless as their grandchildren. All too often kids lose not only one parent, but also one set of grandparents due to a divorce. Don't let this happen to your kids. Make an effort to stay friendly with your ex-inlaws for your kids' sake.

Do come up with a schedule and stick to it. If you promise to have the kids at your ex's house by noon on Christmas Eve, do it. That way he can make plans and schedule his activities. The same goes with him returning them. If they are supposed to be home by nine Christmas Eve night, then he should have them home. Show respect for each other by being prompt. If you will be late, call and let them know.

A very important thing to remember is to keep any negative feelings you have for your ex to yourself. You may have to grit your teeth as your child tells you all about the gift he got from Daddy's new girlfriend. Do not rain on your child's happiness. If he's young, he may not realize that you don't want to hear about Daddy's new life. All he knows is that he got to see his Daddy on Christmas. That's what matters most to him. And what matters most to him matters most to you.