Divorce Affects Different Types of People

Divorce is such an ugly thing, yet it affects many people. We all think that when we marry, we'll stay married. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It depends on the two people involved in the marriage. It depends on how much love and devotion is really present to begin with.

When I was 18 years old, I married for the first time. I knew I didn't really love the guy, but I felt I had to since I was pregnant. I thought that my mom expected me to at least try. Just a few months after the baby was born, I left him and filed for divorce. He was too irresponsible to keep a steady job and couldn't provide for us.

He fought with me for about a year over visitation rights. I really didn't want him to see her, but I knew he would be allowed to. It didn't last long. Just a few months after the divorce was final, he disappeared and I've never seen him again. I never did get one penny from him for child support, either. My daughter is now 21 years old and has no memory of him.

Don't think it's a sob story, though. All has turned out well. I remarried and our 20th wedding anniversary is coming up in March of 2010. He's been a fantastic dad to my daughter. He legally adopted her when she was five years old. She depends on her dad until this day. When something happens, he's the one she wants to turn to. It makes me happy to know that by divorcing, I didn't let her down. In fact, I gave her a good childhood and a great dad.

Divorce has also affected my mom and my sister. My mom remarried four years after my dad passed away. She soon found out that she was not happy in the situation. As painful and embarrassing as it was to her, she went through with a divorce. She has never married again and probably won't.

As for my sister. Her story is different. She was married for a couple of years to a guy that turned out to be gay. I know that happens to a lot of people, but not on this scale. She was actually an experiment. She knew something wasn't right with him, but it took her finding secret letters to his boyfriend to open her eyes.

That is a very painful and hurtful way to end a marriage. Especially when the marriage was a joke to begin with between the groom and his boyfriend. She never has gotten over it.

Divorce is just different for everyone. It is more difficult when children are involved. The hardest thing to do is to not hurt them. I was lucky that my daughter was so young and has no memory of my divorce, but many children are older and must deal with it.

A friend of my daughter had to go through seeing her parents divorce. But it wasn't just that, she had also suffered from molestation from her father. It was a shock to all of us to find that out. It stressed me beyond my limits knowing that my preteen daughter had spent several nights at their house. She promises me nothing ever happened, thank goodness.

The dad went to jail and the mom and kids have since moved on with their lives. But this has scarred them forever. It is very difficult for any of them to trust.

Divorce affects all ages. I have an elderly couple that lives next door that is an example. They married about 20 years ago. It was a second marriage for both of them. Both spouses had passed away and I think they just needed someone to be with. After several years of fighting, they divorced. Yet their story has a twist. They still live next door in the same house, but in separate bedrooms.

I know it sounds strange, but they simply split what they had bought together while being married. I'm not sure how they deal with the house, but I'm sure both of their wills are explicit in dealing with that. Their children and grandchildren come to visit from time to time, which are from their first marriages. So they handle it differently. For example, if her daughter comes to visit for a few days, he will leave and go visit his son. They don't seem to interfere in each others business.

I think they just found out they needed companionship and not marriage. Plus they wanted everything clearly split between them for their children and grandchildren when they pass.

A lot of people, like me, remarry after divorce. Not everyone does. My sister and my mom are examples of that. My mom just doesn't feel the need for marriage and my sister is just too distrusting and judgmental to find someone else. We all get affected differently and we heal differently.

If you are experiencing divorce right now, just know you are not alone. It is sad and unfortunate, but if the marriage can't be saved, then you need to go ahead and get divorced. Don't drag it out. Get it settled as quickly as possible and move on with your life. Don't dwell on what went wrong with your marriage, just move on and focus on the things that have gone right with your life.