Divorce and Alcoholism: The Father I Never Knew

Divorce is never easy on children, it's even harder when you never see that parent again after the divorce.

I was six when my parent's split, I was young but I knew that they were fighting all the time, yelling. I would be in my room crying most of the night.

When my parent's split I really wasn't that surprised, but I felt to blame. My Dad wasn't one who payed much attention to me, he wouldn't play with me, or even pick me up or anything. He seemed to always be gone, and when he got home that was when the fighting would begin.

When my parents got their divorce my Father had visitation rights of me every weekend. He'd pick me up and leave me with whatever girlfriend he had at the time, tell me to tell my mother I had a good time with him. He'd show back up and pick me up about the time it was for me to return home, and would only spend time with me taking me back to my mom.

I was a quiet kid, mostly because I didn't really understand their divorce, I was angry at both of them mostly because I was an only child, no siblings and every time I would come home from my Dad's my mother would drill me with questions. I felt like they were putting me in the middle. I believed that neither of them loved me.

My Father lost visitation rights of me when one time he took me to the beach. I couldn't swim, and I was playing in the water, a lifeguard pulled me out of the water I had almost drowned. My Father was on the beach, drunk when the troopers arrived and asked him how old I was? My father responded 12, I was 6 years old. They brought me home with my father to tell my mother what had happened, and I will never forget the look of horror and anger in her eyes over what my father did.

She took him back to court, and he lost all rights of seeing me, I didn't understand alcoholism I just thought my Mom was keeping me away from my Dad,and that my Dad didn't love me, but when you're six you don't get these things until you get older.

I never saw my Father again, he moved out of state mostly to avoid child support, back then they didn't garnish, or go after income taxes or anything and my Mom raised me completely alone on one income.

My Father never sent me birthday cards, never called ,nothing.

My Mom told me when I turned sixteen that my Father had a drinking problem, and that he had been having affairs with other woman during their marriage. He had actually brought his mistress to their divorce hearing.

I finally understood why my Mom always drilled me when I got back from Dad's. I no longer felt to blame for their divorce and I gained alot of respect for my Mom for protecting me from him and the world of alcoholism. My life would be so different now if she had stayed with him.

Divorce affects every child differently,we don't understand it when we are little, we just get angry at our parents for not being together anymore, but when we become adults and have a better understanding of life , we live life a bit, we understand the reasons why?

For me maybe my Dad stayed away because he knew he wasn't fit to be a Father I will never know the answer to that. I have not seen him since I was six, I am now thirty eight. He is listed in the phone book and lives in a neighboring town.

Alcoholism tore him away from his only child. Luckily my Grandparents my Mom's parents, made up for him, and they did everything they could to help my Mom out. I never saw my other Grandparents, my other Aunts and Uncles, on my Dad's side, after the divorce ,they walked away too.

The reason I am writing this down is because I know the heartache of divorce, and what it's like to be a child of divorce, but someday the anger will go away once you get old enough to really understand and are able to talk about it.

Parents protect their children and for me, once I learned why , learned the truth, I understood and made peace with their divorce. I stopped being angry. And I love my Mom more than words can say for raising me by herself. I turned out okay and I only have a drink on New Year's for I made the choice that I will never be like him , that I will never let alcoholism destroy my life.

In closing, divorce is never easy, but we learn from our life experiences and when we become parents ourselves, we put our heart and soul into our kids, we do everything to not be our parents. So that our children will never feel the way we did, and do everything in our power to stay happily married.