Divorce is a Difficult Road for Orthodox Catholics

I never thought much about the plight of divorced Catholics - and certainly not with much sympathy - until I became one myself. I married young, and like many, for all the wrong reasons. However, even with such a dubious start, I found solace and security in the Church, and became closer to Her over the years. I followed the Catechism as best I could as a fallen human, and brought five children into this world, because I believed, through much prayer and reflection, that I should still try to adhere to the laws of the Church regarding family life and marriage.

Unfortunately, as I moved toward the Church, my marriage fell apart. There came a breaking point, following 12 years of marriage, when I had to choose between my own mental survival and the well-being of my children vs. not getting divorced for the sake of being an obedient Catholic. One day I woke up and for some reason inherently knew that God would forgive me, and that kicking my husband out was what I had to do to save my own life and make a decent future for my kids.

The last two years have brought much good, much challenge, and much change. I will continue to raise my children Catholic, but it would be folly to claim that I still feel the same connection with the Church as I used to. I do intend to petition for annulment, however I do not know if remarriage will precede the end of the annulment process. When I go to Mass, I don't feel the same magic as I did before my divorce. I feel a deep respect, and I know that I will never turn to another denomination to fulfill my spiritual needs, however there is a difference now...a loss of that pure, innocent joy I used to feel simply being inside the sanctuary.

I am not alone in my quandary. According to the Barna Research Group, Catholics divorce at roughly the same rate as members of other denominations. We are seeing a rise in the number of orthodox, truly faithful Catholics who are getting divorced. It's easy to feel as though we live in a different world, that we aren't affected by the same things as "regular people". Meanwhile, our marriages are dying just like so many others, leaving in their wake a legion of confused, broken Catholics.

I don't know where my path will lead; I will continue to try to reconnect with the Church and to pass on the mystery of being Catholic to my children. But I do know, whatever happens in my life, I will never be the same. I am less judgmental and less disillusioned. Whatever Catholics are "supposed to" do, we are human and sinners, just like everyone else.

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