Divorce, Divorce, Divorce

Is it really that simple to get a divorce ? In some religions it appears to be that simple, but in reality, it is quite a bit more complicated. In today's society it seems like it is almost that easy. The estimates for the divorce rate in 2011 say that "more than likely, 40 or maybe as high as 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce." This data is from the Americans for Divorce Reform . This kind of all inclusive data needs to be looked at with more discretion as these rates do not apply across all ages or lengths of marriage. In general though, divorce is a common place event in society today.

With this said, there are many, many people who become divorced who did not want a divorce, are angry and hurt by their divorce and who spend several years or more adjusting to the reality of their situation. Most people make it through this adjustment period in a relatively healthy manner and go on to be able to be in good relationships. Others, do not fair so well.

Some people are so devastated by their divorce that they are not able to get beyond the pain and hurt and move on with their lives. A recent book called, When Divorce Hurts Too Long, states that when an individual is unable to get on with their life, after a reasonable period of time, they may be exhibiting Post Marital Stress Disorder (PMS). PMS is characterized by excessive mourning of the loss of the spouse, obsessive thoughts and talking about the ex-spouse and the inability to let go of these and move ahead with life.

The When Divorce Hurts Too Long workbook contains a Post Marital Stress Scale which is used to assess whether an individual has PMS or is in a normal developmental adjustment process. Divorce is a big deal and creates all kinds of changes in the lives of the people affected by it. A reasonable adjustment period is to be expected.

A divorce adjustment period is typically characterized by a high level of pain and trauma at the outset, with the pain and chaos residing over time and a new level of "normal" being reached eventually. The PMS Scale takes into account the length of time the divorce adjustment period has been going on, the depth of specific behaviors associated with healing and the frequency of these behaviors.

For individuals who do not meet the criteria for PMS, the workbook offers strategies and support for continuing to make adjustments and heal . When an individual meets the criteria for PMS, they have the option to learn about the mental health issues associated with PMS which include: 1) low self-esteem, 2) having an insecure inner-child and 3) maintaining an immature understanding, belief and perception about love. The PMS workbook includes real-life short scenarios about each characteristic of PMS and provides readers with activities to help them move beyond PMS and into a more healthy and quality-filled life.

Healing from PMS is not easy and the "When Divorce Hurts Too Long" workbook is not a quick fix or pill. People who have PMS have lived a life time of low self-esteem, an angry and scared inner-child and an immature understanding of what love means. Lifetime characteristics cannot be turned around by reading a book. They can be turned around by reading a book and taking the activities seriously; working on them day after day until the pain begins to lessen and eventually go away.


There is no way to predict how long this will take. Each individual is different. The one thing that can be predicted is - if an individual takes the ideas and processes described in the book seriously and commits to practicing them for however long it takes, the pain from divorce will reside.