Divorce and Your Kids

Babies Dealing with Adult Problems

According to the online version of Divorce Magazine, as of 1997, fifty percent of new marriages end in divorce. Superficially, this matter only concerns the man and women that must go through the harsh divorce proceedings. However, with a little more consideration, there is a less prevalent victim. This tender victim is the children that witness their families being torn apart. Many children stand by helplessly as their world as they knew it falls apart. Divorce forces them into strange and uncomfortable situations and unhealthy states of mind. Children are a lot more intuitive then they are usually given credit for. They can perceive problems like a blood hound on a scent. The children are the real losers in this situation; usually they have little or no say in their crumbling family dynamic. Change is always hard to deal with; in this case it is terrible.

Not all children are affected by divorce the same way. Generally speaking, children ranging from five through the late teen years are those most affected. These children are most susceptible to the adverse consequences of divorce. However, no matter age, all children need to be treated carefully when parents are divorcing. Whether you're one or one hundred, it still hurts. Sadness is a common and healthy response. The followings are some specific distressing consequences of divorce and their remedies. There is also a category of children that are better off not being in the married household. Divorce can be a release for a very unhealthy situation. However, in many cases divorce can be detrimental to a child.

The stress level of an unhappy marriage and subsequent divorce is awfully high. All this stress has an adversely negative effect of the innocent little by stands. The parents in this situation are often on edge and quick to snap. The children sense the tension between their parents, even if it is not especially obvious. In times of crisis such as this, there are a lot of things playing on the mind of the kids. "If mommy does not love daddy anymore, does mommy still love me?" Children do not always know that whole situation and fill in the blanks with there vivid imaginations. They are quick to blame themselves for their parent's split. Things like "Maybe if I was not such a bad kid mommy and daddy would still love each other" or "Maybe if I tried harder to keep them together" are on their mind. It's usually obvious that Mom and dad are still dealing with "what ifs" and "maybes", we must realize that the children are going through the same thing. It is up to the parents to talk to their children and tell them what is going on. If they try to hide their unhappiness things are only going to be harder for the most important people in this situation, the kids.

The most traumatic times come farther along in the divorce. There are a lot of life altering decisions sometimes left on their adolescent shoulders. It is up to the child, often times, to decide which parent they want to live with. For just a minute, put yourself in this situation. How could one chose between the two most important people in their life? This really places a child between a rock and a hard place. No matter whom they chose they are bound to hurt someone. Choosing one parent might mean only seeming the other a few times a year. This is really not a good situation for children. Again, the only way to relieve your child of their worries is to talk to them. Make arrangements that allow the child ample time with both parents. If making them choose can be eliminated, then do that at all costs.

Children need to be comforted in times of distress. Divorce is a time consuming and emotional process. Naturally, there is not the same amount of time for the children. A single parent is expected to run an entire household alone. Between work and household chores there is not as much time to spend with the little ones. They are on an emotional roller coaster and parents cannot be there as much. The lack of attention will only aggravate the wounds that divorce has caused.

Fresh divorces often force older children into a more parental role. It's the same situation as when dad went away on business and told Junior he was the man of the house until he got back. He is to protect mommy and his sisters. The only difference in divorce is that daddy is coming home. This new role can be a very large burden. Mom is always crying, and little Suzy needs to be taken from one practice to another. In a matter of weeks a child can go from being a carefree teenager to a head of the household.

Once the divorced parents start to "play the field", the focus is again taken away from the children. The prospect of a new daddy can be rather frightening to a child if the situation is not properly spelled out. The child must be made aware; they need to be a very active part in their parents dating scene. Because of their family, the newly single parent must always consider the best interests of their children. They are no longer just trying to find a new mate for themselves, but a new paternal/maternal figure for their family.

Imagine taking your current income and cutting it in half, maybe more. The bills still keep coming in and essentially half of your things have been taken away. Divorce causes this to happen to many families. The financial burdens can have an effect on the parents as well as the children. Children have a very hard time understanding the concept of finances, all they know is that mommy will not buy them that new toy. When a child gets acclimated to a certain way of living, it is very hard for them to regress to a lower status. Without explaining the new finical limits to a child, they might feel as though they are once again being pushed aside.

Divorce can be a very difficult time for a family to weather through. Communication, compassion, and understanding are the keys to a healthy divorce. Always remember that the children involved understand that something is wrong. If these issues are not addressed by parents, the child will grow up thinking that this unhealthy situation is what is normal. As parents, they have a duty to keep the cycle from repeating.