Divorce May Cause Earlier Sexual Activity in Girls

Divorce is never easy. When there are children involved it is particularly difficult, and there is no way to prevent them from being affected negatively in some way, no matter how amicable the split. Research suggests that divorce may be especially hard on girls in aspects that differ from the way it affects boys.

Innocence lost

One of the most serious implications for girls when their parents divorce is their tendency to engage in sexual activity at a younger age. This may be due to a number of factors; approximately 70% of mothers receive full physical custody in a divorce. The loss of the father figure as a daily part of a girl's life can have a devastating impact not only on her ability to relate well to men, but also on her self-esteem. When a girl does not have enough attention from her father, she may seek that attention elsewhere in ways that are less than healthy. Data backs this theory--American psychology professor Bruce Ellis has conducted research on the pheromonal influence of highly involved fathers on the age at which girls begin dating and having sex. Ellis, who works at the University of Canterbury in New Zealand, has found that those with steady paternal care begin these activities at a later age.

Depression and suicide

In addition to disturbing sexual trends among female children of divorced parents, girls also experience higher rates of depression. While we as a society seem to recognize the great need for a male role model in the lives of our boys, the effects of the lack of such a role model for girls are underestimated. Girls may feel a sense of rejection if their father leaves the family, and this coupled with the trauma caused by the disruption of the family following a divorce can cause feelings of sadness and despair, particularly among adolescent girls. The divorce rate has correlated directly with the rise in teenage suicide rates. This is a fact that parents must not ignore--divorce is not always preventable, however it is possible to soften the blow and encourage children to talk openly about their feelings.

What can you do?

The most important thing you can do to help your daughter deal with the aftermath of divorce is to make sure she understands that the divorce is not a reflection of you or your ex-spouse's love for her in any way. Keep the lines of communication open so that she feels safe coming to you with her concerns. When the adults are caught up in the stress of the additional responsibilities of single parenthood and the upheaval of starting a new life, it can be easy to lose sight of the immediate issues their children may be facing.

Seek counseling for your daughter if you sense that the effects of the divorce are too much for her to handle, especially if you notice changes in her behavior such as spending more time out with her friends and distancing herself from you and other family members. You may think "she needs her space", but what she really needs is to know you still care enough to keep her close and set boundaries.

If there is an amicable relationship between you and your ex-spouse, make sure that he is as involved in her life as possible. Following a divorce, it is ideal if the father can spend as much time as he can with the children and reassure them that he is still always going to be there for them even if he can't be physically present every day.

Allow your child to express her emotions; this may present as anger at you or your ex-spouse, sadness, feelings that life isn't "fair" and fear of being abnormal or a "freak" now that her parents are divorced. Maintain firm discipline so that your daughter knows the divorce doesn't mean that everything will change and be in chaos and that the rules must still be followed.

Loving your daughter unconditionally is the best thing both of you can do after divorce. Pay close attention and take action to help your child if you feel she needs it--it is possible to help girls avoid many of the risks associated with being a daughter of divorce, as long as the adults in their lives are watching out for them.

Lohr et Al.: Clinical Observations on Interferences of Early Father Absence in the Achievement of Femininity, Clinical Social Work Journal, V. 17, #4, Winter, 1989
Francke, 1983
Avo, 1992