Divorce Myths Debunked: Is Divorce the Answer to a Bad Marriage?

Divorce is rampant in our society and culture today. The statistics actually show that one out of every two marriages will fail; a statistic America is ashamed to admit. How did happily ever after and 'til death do us part, turn out to mean happy for the moment until I want out? The truth is every marriage faces points when it seems as if it would be impossible to continue on, and sadly instead of weathering the storm and coming out of it together, many Americans chose to bail out and get a divorce. Friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and even some well meaning Christians may have you convinced divorce can be a good solution to a bad marriage. I urge you to consider these five myths, and the truths behind them while opening your mind to staying together.

Myth 1 - There are too many mistakes in this marriage and I just need a fresh start

Have you ever heard the phrase "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Well, marriages who weathered their share of mistakes and storms have a deeper level of intimacy and have a better marriage in the long run. This may be because lasting through the issues that life throws your way, shows a true commitment that is felt by unconditional love. Love that is unconditional (like the love we have with our children) is a safe haven and a comfort zone. When we share this together, we invite true compassion intimacy into out homes.

Myth 2 - Divorce is best for the kids because there is too much tension in the home.

While it is true that there are deep rooted emotional scars left on a child who witnesses the arguments of their patents; the scars from divorce are even deeper. In divorce, it is most common that parents fight over the child in a tug-of-war. Each parent pits the child against the other. Many times issues such as child support and property division are continually brought up in front of the children more often than the arguments they would have seen. Topics like those cause deep wounds because the child can interpret it to mean "it's all my fault" Children also suffer the fear of losing the love of their own parents, which carries on into their adult life and affects their own relationships. In homes where parents choose to stay together; statics show that those marriages often improve in time and the child witnessed true commitment. They are raised in homes where they need not fear difficult times because in the end; they stick together. Here is a link to an article titled 18 Shocking Statistics about Children and Divorce by Larry Bilotta.

Myth 3 - I didn't marry my soul mate, we are just too different and I made a mistake.

Many divorces take place because one spouse feels they were jipped out of their fairytale romance. The one where they lived happily ever after with their soul mate. The truth is the person you married is the one you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. You accepted everything about them and on that day chose to say for better of worse, til death do us part. You didn't make a mistake as society may tell you. Those who are looking for their soul mate are looking for a reason; they haven't found them! The concept of marriage is two distinctively different people come together and are declared one; made whole. If you were both the same, enjoyed all the same things, you wouldn't have much to offer each other an d the children you raise. Diversity in marriage is okay. I know dating websites would have you believe you have to pass a compatibility test before marry, it's simply not true. The spouse you married on your wedding day is God's perfect gift to you. Don't settle for anything less. God upholds your vows to your covenant spouse.

Myth 4 - We don't have any kids so it's just a simple divorce

Not having children doesn't make separating what was one; back into two and easier. Divorces are rarely simple and often cause deep embedded scars on both parties; scars that you take with you into every relationship. Having children doesn't make a marriage more valid. Saying "I Do" is what ties the knot. Second marriages have an 80% chance of failure, so going through with the first divorce seems to be just the beginning of the divorce succession. Divorce would still take a toll on your mental and physical health and prepare your path for uncertainty in the future. Stabilize your future with what you have now; commit your self and work through your marriage problems together.

Myth 5 - The marriage counselor agrees divorce is inevitable.

If you sought out marital counseling to save your marriage from divorce, than think of the irony that you would have if you heard your councilor tell you it's best to divorce. This happens to many couples, through no fault of their own. The way counseling often works it to dig deep into the past and uprooting things that were buried in the past. This is often a painful process that promises healing; but often doesn't deliver it. As a matter of fact; if your are even considering marital counseling, this is a must read article on it's devastating effects, Christians and Marriage Counseling; Does Marriage Counseling Do More Harm Than Good? . No one can declare your marriage dead unless they are God. It takes at least one committed spouse and God to restore your marriage. Advise that promotes divorce isn't the final word for your marriage, so stand up and fight for it!

Divorce is never easy on anyone involved and it seldom gives those who seek it what they are looking for. It may seem like an easy way out, but I encourage you to consider staying together and defeat divorce! I strongly urge you to read my article titled Before You Throw Your Marriage Away and Get a Divorce.

You can have the marriage of your dreams with a little work, a lot of love and God on your side!