Divorce Should Only Be the Last Resort

Divorces - today there is the perception that it is easy. Quickly in-and-out of court and that is it. This perception comes from the country's divorce rate being so high, but the reality is still that it is a very ugly business. It might be true that the courts grant divorces much easier than in the past, but the emotional trauma between the couples is still very real. Not to mention what the children go through.

The first factor is the dividing of the estate. Without going into all the different pre-nuptial agreements, as a Divorce Attorney, I can safely say that the largest contributing factor to emotional trauma within the family is the division of the estate. This is largely due to the fact that the couples usually go into a 'spite' mode. They will do anything, to make the life as difficult for the other as possible. Instead of being mature and rational, each party will absolutely not budge on what they think is their part of the estate. This, despite my advice indicating that their share of the estate is not so big.

They think that they make the life of the other person hell, but instead they only do the same to themselves. I've seen client's divorce cases go on for years. What they don't see is that there is no one to blame but themselves. You know, they will come to you and they won't budge about what they want from the estate. Then they decide to budge, but then they hear a rumour that the other cheated on them way before they initially thought; so they change their mind. Then they get creative and think of a new way to be difficult. This just before they might even get paranoid and wonder why nobody can find all the secret bank accounts of the other party. So most of these cases go on. Go on from months to years. One has to remember that this is years of your own life that is being thrown into the water. Years that you can not date anybody new, years that you can not really earn something, because this can change your claim, years that the children (a lot of the times) don't have fair contact with the other party. Years that nobody get on with their life.

Most of the attorneys smile because of the financial benefits if this happens, but it always breaks my heart to see the children suffer. You see, my parents used this 'spite' factor to such a level that I became the knife that they used to stab each other with. So, without getting into much detail, I can say that I know just how traumatic a divorce can be for a child. And this is sadly the second factor parents use to get to each other. The usual scenario is likely that the children are withheld from any contact from the other party, because all of a sudden he or she is a danger to the well being of the children. Look this might be true, and that is why as an attorney must protect the right of the children as much as possible, but most likely it is not completely true or only part of the truth. The results are the children unnecessarily suffering.

I say this, because by the time a client comes to see me, it is too late to talk them out of a divorce. I want to implore anybody to rather do everything possible to work on their marriage and turn it around. I can advice the work done by A. W. M. A. With the success rate achieved, it is worth wile to try out the course before going the ugly divorce route. More work from A. W. M. A. also includes counselling for single persons struggling to keep a lasting relationship with somebody. You will thus find extensive experience in all the aspects of a relationship. Do it not only for yourself, but more importantly do it for your children.

Now having said that, it is also true that some marriages are just so unhealthy for all involved, that a divorce is the better option. If you are truly convinced of this, and you have tried everything else, I strongly feel that you should empower yourself to make the divorce as quickly and painless for your children as possible. I would advise you to get to know custody suits. For more information on how to do this, you can visit my blog. This knowledge will help you to recognise the quality of advice you get from your lawyer. Remember that a lot of them know all to well that the longer a divorce stretch out, the more they get paid. Here I feel I must give a warning: just be responsible with the knowledge, it's not a tool to lie your way to success. A strategy like that will only come back to bite you in the - you know what.

A decision to end your marriage or not, is such a big one, and all I can do is to wish you the best. I hope I helped a bit in you making the right choice.