Divorce Party Etiquette FAQ for Hosts and Guests

Have you just received an embossed invitation -- complete with RSVP request -- to a divorce celebration? Conversely, are you planning a divorce party but don't know what to put on the invitation? Divorce parties are quickly becoming a hot trend. Couples who want to let friends and family members know that the marriage is over now send divorce party invitations. Friends of divorcing couples like the idea that there is the tacit permission to remain friends with the "other" person. One-host parties are a way of commemorating a new direction in life. Are you hip to the etiquette questions and answers surrounding this new practice?

Q: Who throws a divorce party?

A: In the case of an amicable divorce, the couple might jointly invite friends and family members to the festivities. The latest high-profile couple to go this route was Jack White and his wife. People Magazine reports that when he and wife Karen Elson decided to call it quits after six years, they sent out invitations to their anniversary and divorce party. Dancing and drinks underscored that the two planned to remain civil, even if the marriage was over.

Of course, a former husband or wife may choose to host a divorce celebration alone. This might be the case in the aftermath of a particularly nasty divorce -- or when the formerly married person realizes that she or he has begun to heal from the experience. Rather than highlighting the mutual respect of a joint party, the single-host party is a way of thanking those who stood by the divorcee in the tough times.

Q: Who should attend divorce parties?

A: Divorce party invitations may come as a complete surprise. While a failed marriage is most certainly not a good reason for a celebration, the ability to remain civil and respectful does set apart the usually hostile occasion from the amicable dissolution of a marriage. If you are a close friend of the couple and would like to maintain your relationship with both of them, attending the divorce party is nice gesture.

If you are taking sides against one of the people involved -- in the case of a joint party -- it may be best if you stayed home. You might also want to stay home if the whole idea of a divorce celebration is not sitting well with you.

Q: What do I bring to a divorce party?

A: There is obviously no reason for a gift or even token. Consider bringing a card that applauds the couple's resolve to remain friends. In this manner, you may also emphasize your desire to remain friends with both parties. A supportive card is also appropriate for a friend who is finally ready to embrace the single lifestyle again and who signals the completion of the healing process with the party. Do not bring a friend 'who would be just perfect' for the divorced or divorcing host(ess).

Q: Should I host a divorce party?

A: In spite of secular attitudes and progressive thinking, plenty of folks still find a divorce party to be tacky. Unless your friends have no qualms about attending divorce parties, this type of celebration will do more harm than good to your relationships with them. This is particularly true of these who might have stood up with you at the wedding.

Remember also that family members, especially older ones, will not necessarily see eye to eye with this trend. Even though it is now also done in the highest circles -- the New York Times reported on the divorce party of Charles and Bonnie Bronfman -- there is still a societal stigma attached to a failed marriage. Rather than seeing it as something to be celebrated, those opposed see it as a sad occasion. If this is true of your circle of friends and family members, simply make it a night out with just the closest of likeminded friends.

As long as the divorce party remains focused on either staying friends or moving forward in a healthy manner, there is little fault to find with the festivities. It becomes questionable when the host or hostess does a semi-drunk Karaoke rendition of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain."

Sources

People Magazine: "Jack White & Karen Elson Are Divorcing -- and Throwing a Party"

New York Times: "Divorce, in Style"

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