Divorce Recovery, Agape Love

If you are reading this article, you, or someone you love, is more than likely going through a divorce and is in pain. When we are in pain, most of us want quick relief. After-all, we are an instant gratification kind of society. The only problem with a quick fix for a broken heart from a divorce or broken relationship is...there isn't any. Broken hearts take time to heal and in many cases, they need a good dose of counseling.

One of the greatest misunderstandings in relationships is the meaning of love. Ask people on the street what love is and you will get many different answers. One person might say it is getting candy and flowers. Someone else may say love means telling each other everything. Still, someone else might say it is being with each other all the time. This list can go on and on. There are as many definitions for love as there are lovers.

Stop reading right now and get a piece of paper and a pencil. Make a list of 10 words that describe love. Take your time and be sure you list the words or actions that mean love to you. Now, don't cheat and read the rest of this article before you make your list. When you are done, look at it and compare it to this quote by Osho (http://www.gaia.com/quotes/topics/immature+love)

"A mature person has the integrity to stand alone. And, when a mature person gives love, he or she gives without any strings attached to it. When two mature persons are in love, one of the greatest paradoxes of life happens - one of the most beautiful phenomena: they are together and yet tremendously alone. They are together so much that they are almost one. Two mature persons in love help each other to become more free. There is no politics, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate, only freedom and love."

If you took all of the words you wrote about love and put them into a paragraph like the one above, would they say something similar? Don't be embarrassed or ashamed if not. Also, try not to deny that the quote above is not about real love. Think about this...if you are going through a divorce or are divorced, is there a chance that your understanding of love might be less than it could be? Would you like to have the kind of love described by Osho? Most of us would, if we were honest with ourselves.

What has happened is that we learn about love from the moment we are born. If we learned that adults were happy and didn't get mad when we left them alone, didn't get in their way, did things for them etc., then we brought that belief about love with us into our adult relationships. We had no choice, that is what we were taught was love.

What we need to do now, is to accept that love is not born out of fear or rejection or pain and spend time reading about love. We need to learn to love ourselves well before we can truly love another. This author published a book called -When Divorce Hurts Too Long - OUCH! - Wallowing in Post Marital Stress Disorder (PMS). The premise of this book is that there are three things that affect an individual's capacity to have healthy satisfying relationships. These are low self-esteem, an out of control inner-child, and an immature understanding of adult love. This book provides readers with a PMS Rating Scale and the STOP PMS Program to help readers understand how to get beyond PMS and start having healthy satisfying relationships.