Divorce is so Common These Days

Divorce is so common these days that many of us don't really think about it. For the majority of couples, divorce is what happens when a marriage doesn't work. But there are still innocent victims, the children of the divorcing couple.

Children tend not to show their stress in the same manner as adults. Instead of speaking out and getting angry, they will demonstrate that things are not right through behavior. You might see a young girl playing with her Barbie and Ken and having them fight with each other, for example. While this might seem harmless, it could be that she is acting out what she sees between her parents. A boy might act out in more violent ways, picking fights with the family dog or with his siblings.

In extreme cases, children might even revert to more babyish behavior, such as thumb sucking and bedwetting, indicating a feeling of insecurity. And who wouldn't feel insecure when the two people you love and trust the most in the world are against each other?

There are a few ways parents can help reduce the stress for their children when going through a divorce. Both should be in agreement about the way they will treat their children, but even if one parent follows the tips below, it will help greatly.

- Don't badmouth the other parent. Even if your ex doesn't show up to take the kids for the weekend, avoid saying anything too negative. Just acknowledge the child's hurt feelings and try to make up for it. For example, you might say, "Daddy didn't come today, but I'm sure he wanted to. You feel pretty bad about that don't you? Why don't you come here and give me a hug and we will read a story together."

- Keep to normal routines. If your kids usually have swim lessons on Saturday, the parent who has them that day should continue to take them. It is important that things don't change all at once, that the child can still depend on certain routines although there are differences.

- Avoid discussing the divorce in front of the children, but don't hide it either. Your kids are smart, they will figure out pretty fast if you are planning a divorce without telling them. As soon as the decision is final, both parents should sit down and let the children know that although you are separating, it has nothing to do with them.

- Avoid arguing in front of the kids. Divorce can get messy and frustrating, but it is a good idea not to let this affect your children. Even a heated discussion over the phone can affect a child, so keep your arguments to when the children are not around or meet in a neutral place without kids to discuss divorce arrangements.

Although you may hate your ex, make it clear to your kids that you are not upset with them and try not to take out your frustration on them. Divorce is never fun, but parents have the responsibility of making sure that it doesn't affect their offspring more than it has to.