Divorce Terrorism Act: Accusing Your Spouse of Domestic Violence

With the annual divorce rate now above 60% nationally, we are still treating modern day divorce with antiquated and outdated state statutes. The statutes that are in place were placed there in the1950's!! What does the 50's have to do with the new millennium?!! This horrible injustice that is perpetrated on divorcing parents by our courts must stop! Sure, they profess that they provide a service that is in "the best interest of the children" but after doing an enormous amount of research...I see that is doubtful at best.

The modern day "divorce terrorism act" that is acceptable and recommended by some attorneys to their clients, is to accuse the other spouse of Domestic Violence. Therefore ensuring them full and clear custody of the children. Just being accused, let alone being convicted, will permanently mar any chance for the other spouse to ever see the children without supervision or to ever get custody, no matter how dangerous the household of the estranged spouse. Having experienced this personally, I feel it is my duty to let the webworld know that this is the "new normal" happening in the courts.

Since it's inception into the public realm in the 90's, the accusation of Domestic Violence is a quicker, more efficient way to shift focus off the other spouses' shortcomings and to ensure that you will never have any rights to your children. Attorneys now institute immediate Restraining Orders or CPO's (depending on your state) in order to procure ultimate power in the courts. Officers of the law in your state are so strictly monitored that they cannot afford the penalties imposed on them personally and professionally. They just arrest without due process. (Due process being a historical lineage of abuse or prior record of child neglect, abuse or molestation.) All the other spouse has to do is merely call up an Officer of the Law (and I saw Law lightly) and make an accusation. No questions asked, the accused WILL BE carted off publicly in handcuffs and charged with preliminary abuse. The court battle is long and costly and even if you are never convicted, the arrest record remains and as you look for future employment, you will find you are denied based on the fact that you are a potential violent offender.

A protective order is immediately drawn up at the time of arrest (even before conviction) by the court, that will keep you from your children unless supervised, therefore, providing your estranged spouse with the power to put off any pre-trial hearing until the initial paperwork is drawn up, giving them full temporary custody of the children. Once one parent is given this, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to reverse it.

If you are a believer that just because a person is under oath on the stand that they will not lie...you are naïve and will be taken. Lying is an acceptable and recommended defense. Ethics are no longer considered to be a commendable quality in today's courts. What matters most, is the victory. Having one spouse accused of a crime is a much quicker process. Their rights are then stripped away and the ears of the court become deaf to your pleas. In their eyes, you ARE an offender, cut and dried. Begging and pleading on the courts mercy only solidifies your guilt to a Judge. If you show emotion, you are deemed psychologically unstable and therefore a "danger to your children". If you show no emotion, then you are deemed a sociopathic personality and therefore, a "danger to your children". Once your estranged spouse has you in the criminal system, you are a goner.

This may not seem like an issue of importance to you at this time, but wait until you tell your husband/wife that it is time to split and that they should maybe find another place to live. Make all the great promises to each other that you will, but ultimately it will become a death match and if you are uninformed of what the other side is capable of...you again, are a goner. These things are happening everyday to your best friend, your neighbor and perhaps even your co- worker. This is now the standard divorce fighting weapon and will be wielded liberally.

As men commonly are the one's to leave the home, they are expected to pay child support. What parent doesn't want to support their children? Are you actually supporting your children or are you still supporting the ex wife as you see your children suffer? I have heard so many times from the non-custodial parent that when they visit with their children, the children arrive in ill-fitting clothes and with lackadaisical medical care. The custodial parent is always there, however, with their hand out asking for more and more financial assistance, assuming that it is your duty to provide it. They offer no proof or reason why the money is needed and will make excuses that their personal needs are also the children's. As they continue their current quality of life and you cannot afford to live much less handle an increase, the courts will impose fine after fine and continue to harass you based on the custodial parents every whim and desire. Why is the custodial parent not expected to work and earn a living wage as well? Child support is supposed to be for the children only. Unfortunately, what we see is the custodial parent arriving in nicer clothes than what the children are wearing. While their health remains in good standing, your children always seem to be ill.

We will now explore the ramifications of the non custodial parent who loses his/her employment and cannot quickly become re-employed and is faced with fines and punished by the custodial parent by refusing court ordered visitation and phone contact. These things are not supposed to be allowed. In fact, there are laws protecting the non- custodial parent from these abuses. However, the courts turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to the non- custodial parent's trials. You could be the parent who has never missed a payment and more than provided for your children's wants and need's then suddenly your company goes under and you are left unemployed, overqualified in an economically depressed area. You are then immediately inundated with court appearances, fines and license suspension along with jail time. Now I ask you, if you are unemployed, how are you to afford to lose your ability to get to work? Public transportation is not an option in a lot of small towns and the added cost of fines puts you in a hole that you cannot get out of until you've gotten so far down, that now you have a criminal record of abuse and jail time. Try making a living wage with that on your record. Company standard policies today are that you MUST be 5 yrs outside of a conviction before hiring eligibility begins. These are just the cold, hard facts. Any Attorney or Judge worth their salt will tell you this.

Here in Ohio, we have a group called P.A.C.E. (Parents And Children Equality). They are actively working with legislatures in our state to improve these conditions and update the outdated laws with a more modern and equal bar in which to provide equality to both the custodial and non-custodial parent. They are asking that an auditing system be instituted so that the custodial parent must account for where the child support money is going monthly. Accountability is not just on the non-custodial side. They are asking that this phenomenon of Domestic Violence stop being allowed to proliferate in our court systems as a means to an end to obtain custody. These are just some of the issues they stand on and you can find them online at www.pacegroup.org .

Thanks for your time, now let's hear your voices!! These are your children being denied equal parental time and support! This is your reputation being ruined simply because you were unable to find the desire to stay in a destructive and unhappy marriage. What are you to teach your children according to our laws? If you are unhappy and being treated unfairly or even being abused, you are to stay there and take it. Remember, your choices in your life help mold what your children will become and what kind of mate they will also choose.

"No law can be changed, without an outcry first."