Divorce Tips for Women with Children

While there are many things to consider before filing for a divorce and effectively changing your and your children's family situation for the rest of your lives, nothing is more challenging than thinking through the effect your action will have on your children in particular. Financial issues may be dealt with by enlisting the support of friends, family, church, or even the social safety net; the loss of a car or house can be compensated for; the loss of companionship you will have to endure will be eased over time; yet nothing is as heartbreaking as the sudden feelings of loneliness that will creep into your children's hearts and minds.

Before signing on the dotted line to bring a divorce action before the court consider how your children will feel about the divorce. If you and your spouse go your separate ways, will this be an improvement in your children's living situation? If he is abusive, then the answer would be a "yes." If you have just fallen out of love with a man who - for all intents and purposes - is a good dad, the answer is a resounding "no."

Another question that you must answer for yourself - because inevitably it will be asked of you by your children - deals with your involvement in making the marriage work. Did you really do anything and everything humanly possible to make the relationship work? Have you sought out counselors, advisors, workshops, and whatever other help was available - whether alone or as a couple?

If you know in your heart you have done everything you could, and your children will be better off if you terminate the relationship with their father, here are some tips to keep in mind:

Prevent your children from feeling like ping pong balls. Work out custody behind closed doors with your soon to be ex-spouse and present the children with the decision.

Maintain a relationship with your future ex-husband's parents, no matter how much pride it will cost you. They are still grandma and grandpa, and your children should not have to suffer because adult egos are becoming involved.
Invest in some counseling for the children and make sure they understand that they played absolutely no role in your decision to divorce. It is imperative that they do not feel at fault or believe themselves to be contributing factors in the demise of your relationship with their father.