Divorce Before You're 30

I have a friend who just attended her 30 something friend's second wedding. He was divorced before he was 30. I have another friend who is going through a tough time that may lead to divorce, and they aren't the only ones. Divorce before your 30th birthday doesn't seem taboo, or even a surprise.

Being a widow, maybe I have a skewed idea of what marriage should be. I loved my husband, and when he got sick, there was no question I would be there for him until the end. But what has happened to marriage that people think they can come and go without honoring their commitment?

Is it easy access? Some states divorce processes, like that in Pennsylvania, are long and difficult. Some are quick and easy. I would never go so far as to say that divorce is the easy way out, because anyone who has been through a divorce would most likely not agree. It is painful and traumatizing no matter who initiates the separation.

With the settling of material possessions, and child custody, comes the separation of heart, soul and mind. Having said your vows and committed yourself to a life with someone, to sign a few forms and have it all disappear, completely dishonors the future that should have been.

There are some cases where divorce is understandable, acceptable, a-ok even. Abuse, whether physical, mental or sexual, affairs, and otherwise unhealthy relationships. But what happens when things are just tough and one wants to give up?

In a society so accepting and promoting of therapy and counseling, why are so many unwilling to try marriage counseling before exhausting the relationship by way of divorce? I'm not one to say that counseling fixes all. Both parties have be at least slightly willing to explore this option. You also have be willing to make changes, and some people are just unwilling to change.

It breaks my heart to see marriage and loved destroyed. I guess it's selfish of me to think that just because I was happy, and lost my love to a rotten disease, that people can just work things out if it's only themselves in the way. However, this isn't the case.

There are often many extenuating circumstances that cause ruin to an otherwise happy marriage. Outside influences such as career, family, and friends often hinder relationships. Past hurt and distrust, as well as depression issues can also lead to major problems in a marriage.

When is it time to say enough's enough and when is it time to keep trying? Who gets the final say? Divorce is a road of confusion. While some scenarios it is important for one of the parties to leave for their own safety, other scenarios deserve a fighting chance through conversation, counseling, and sometimes even a trial separation. \

Whatever route you decide to take if you are in a rocky relationship, remember to keep you and your childrens' safety first in your mind. If the environment is still safe, yet unhealthy, look at options such as counseling, open communication, online marriage discussion groups. It is often best to find a neutral third party then to bring in a friend or family member to mediate.

Love does not have to be lost just because it seems the only option. When doors close, open a window until all options have been exhausted. Love can make it through a lot, you just have to give it a chance.