Divorced Fathers-Stay Connected with Your Kids

Parenting is a tough calling for anyone but it's particularly challenging for divorced parents. I say "calling" because if you have children you're called to raise them and raise them to be balanced people. Our prisons are full of fatherless men (no father involved), our juvenile detention facilities of full of fatherless teens, and hundreds of youth mentoring organizations across the country do nothing but work with fatherless children.

The number one mistake divorced dads (or many dads) make is failing to stay connected with their children. Sure, there are many reasons which are in reality only your excuses; not enough time, too far away, not enough money, ex-wife is a bitch, step-dad is a jerk, it hurts too much, kids don't like the girlfriend or new wife, kids are delinquents, etc, etc, etc.

You're reading this so thankfully you're not like that. You care about your kids and you want to remain a father even though you're no longer married to their mother. Here are some ideas for you to consider.

Keeping Connected When Kids are Close-by:

When you live near your kids it might be more emotionally challenging at first to stay connected with your kids but you must suck it up, man-up, and all the rest and be a dad.

1. Don't miss a visitation or holiday unless you're dead: You must put your kids in first place always. Just say "no" to the basketball game, golf game, date, or whatever. Keep your visitation at all costs and don't cut them short. Quality to kids equates to quantity and it means FUN.

2. Call them during the week and chat. Send emails and cards. Get on Facebook with them.

3. Ask to take them out for ice cream or supper during the week.

4. Show-up for school functions.

5. Make sure you know their teachers and receive copies of their grades.

6. Don't criticize your ex-wife.

7. Don't whine about money to your kids. Teach them about money but don't whine.

8. Encourage them, tell them you love them, and make sure they know the divorce wasn't their fault.

9. Don't shower the kids with gifts but do bring needed items for them from time to time.
10. Let the kids be a part of your dating life, engagement, and remarriage. Don't surprise them one day with a new wife.

DON"T BE STINGY JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY PAYING CHILD SUPPORT

Keeping Connected Long Distance

Staying connected with your kids when you're separated by hundreds of miles is more challenging but not impossible. I did it for four years until I obtained custody of my four daughters.

The same tips go as above except of course you're not able to see them every week. In that case make extra efforts to call them at least weekly AND send emails, cards, and letters.

Another good idea is to prepare a little "care" package for them from time to time. On occasion I mailed my daughters a box filled with cake mixes, some candy, granola bars, a movie or two, and other items that young girls might like and need.

Take care of yourself, of course, but put the kids first.

Remember, the divorce was not their fault.