Divorced Parents and Dating

Once you have been through a divorce and all that it entails you probably aren't ready to jump right into a new long term relationship. Getting back in the shark pool of the dating world is intimidating and confusing. What can make it even more so is knowing that you have children who probably aren't going to like you dating. Their world as they know it has been torn apart and they have had to adjust to separate homes, visiting one parent and living with the other, and knowing that Mommy and Daddy for some reason don't love each other anymore. You don't want to put them through more confusion or drama so that means that the people you choose to date have to be chosen more carefully than if you were not a parent. I have been in this situation and have handled things wrong, then I have corrected and handled things the way shown below and it made all the difference in my life, dating success and my children's happiness. There are a few simple things you can do to make the transition easier for your children.

1. Communicate- explain to your children that Mommies and Daddies need to have adult friends and time away from children no matter how much they love them. Try to compare this with their time that they spend with friends. There is no need to tell them that you are dating or becoming involved with someone until later. In the beginning you must accustom the child to the fact that occasionally you will go out with friends.
2. Don't introduce casual dates to your children. This just shows them someone who is spending time with their parent, and whom they may not see again. Arrange to meet your dates somewhere away from the home. This simply keeps the situation off of the kids' radar until you are sure that the person you are dating is someone that you would want to have meet and be around your children.
3. Stability is a key factor in children of divorced parents, don't let your dating scene change the dynamic at home, maintain a schedule of quality time with your children and work into that schedule a few hours of kid free time. This is especially important when you first start dating because the children have already made major adjustments and become accustomed to a certain schedule with you; if possible try to schedule your dates for times when the children are with the other parent.
4. If your children ask who you are meeting or spending time with, be honest with them without going into details. For example give the persons name and tell them that it is a friend of yours that they haven't met yet. Keep it short and sweet and maintain a casual attitude. Children pick up on nervousness and evasion. If they have more questions or become upset because you are meeting someone of the opposite sex be sure to address their fears and insecurities, while continuing to relate to them that Mommies and Daddies need friends just like they do, and surely they are friends with someone of the opposite sex.
5. Once in a while schedule a family date night, where you and your children go out and do something fun, making conversation a big part of the evening. Then explain to them that this is pretty much what you do when you go out with your friends as well. This will make it much less scary for your children when you go out.

The transition from spouse to single parent is hard on an adult, but this situation is very difficult for a child to understand and deal with. Being open and honest with your children shows them that they are still #1 on your list of priorities and will help them adjust to both the divorce situation and to their parent dating someone new. Don't rush into a relationship right away and always take time before introducing a new person in your life to your children. You aren't hiding anything from them or the person you are dating, but you are making sure that the person and the relationship is worth it before you get everyone in an uproar over it. If at all possible share this information with the other parent as well so that you will both be on the same page when it comes to starting to date again and how that will relate to your children.