Do I Believe in God Myself?

There is nothing more infuriating than having been to the depths of hell, allowed to see and feel and experience it, been pulled out of it by God's hand itself, then be walking by the computer and discover your daughter trying to find out more about atheism. "People have a right to believe what they want," she defends. "Yeah, but soldiers died for that right and the God that they served does not need to be disrespected by you using that right for such blasphemy", I thought.
I didn't listen to my mom either and I paid for it, dearly. I have been to deeper depths of hell than most. I had the Bible, and the Word, and God's path next to me the whole time but chose to enjoy the debauchery that the world offers. It can sink you to some of the worst places in the world. I was naked, in a 50-degree cell next to the Death Row inmates when I asked God or Jesus to show himself to me. I waited for a golden image and the image of Lincoln sitting there stoutly in his chair came to mind, but that was all that came.... nothing. Does that prove that there is no God? I thought, "He must be busy." I tried again. Nope, no vision in gold blasting out golden rays of light. Nothing like the picture Bible images. Nothing like the movies. No parting of nothing... just silence, a cold, empty jail cell. In that silence, instead of thinking, "You see, there is no God," it was quite the opposite. I remember Satan telling Jesus to jump off a cliff and call upon the angels to catch and save him. Jesus said something like. "Thou shalt not tempt the Lord, thy God," or something like that. In other words, you play by His rules, not the other way around. So instead of being disheartened, I thought, "Dummasse, you should have known better, people have been through so much worse than you and here you are asking for a personal visit. Think of the people in line ahead of you: women being gang-raped, people being tortured, animals being tortured or who are starving, the homeless, the addicts, babies being raped and hit, the crippled, the ill, the dying... and YOU want a personal appearance. Who the hell do you think you are?
I got my own miracle, I am here to share it instead of in the hell I could have had. I am so grateful. I have seen so much. I have lain in a bunk and heard screams and known that this is what life in hell is like, if you can use the term 'life' for that. It was a butch lesbian being maced, but her screams made me think, "Those are exactly what the screams of a man being raped in prison are like." There is so much true horror and injustice and inhumanity to man... actual babies of under 6 months have gotten raped. Raped. Is that not straight of the Devil? Aren't babies like innocent angels? Completely vulnerable to the world and mankind in it and they get raped? What is that?
So imagine my dismay when I am walking by the computer and glance over my daughter's shoulder and she is reading up on atheism. Her cousin is trying to be so worldly and unconventional and instead it is just desecrating my world. I told my angel, "Look, you are not an atheist. God is the reason you even have a mom here right now. He saved me. You are not a Buddhist; they worship cows while the country starves to death. You are not a vampire; you do not get younger by drinking the blood of another human. You are not a Goth; there is no fascination in the dark. If you want, I can turn the light off and we can sit here and be fascinated by it. You are normal, sorry." What is wrong with being normal? Actually, there is no normal. There are rules set by society that we must follow and that helps you be in the norm but everyone has their unique set of likes and dislikes, unique past, knowledge and experiences that make not even identical twins identical. Every single human being in this world of billions and billions is unique just on the basis of their existence. Even in an identical set of two, one is still one and the other is two, one is older than the other, and so on... with pottery, vases, humans and any object. Even their existence is different, therefore no one is the same as another.
My mother lived a very pious life, but I sure know where she went when she passed. I hope I am going there too. I have spent enough time in the hell on Earth that I don't want the eternal one with the actual Big Man there stoking the fire. As far as my daughter is concerned, she is going on shutdown and not entertaining thoughts of such depth at this time. Why? Because a shutdown here in a house while she is malleable is much better than a real shutdown in a jail or prison. She does not need to learn what the results of a Godless life are. I have discovered and suffered enough for her, her kids and their kids. Enough is enough. We will abide by the Word, the rules, the Life and all else that is required to have a good life. I have had enough of the bad. Yeah, people have the right to believe what they want to believe, but there are hardcore reasons why those who will not be shaken in their faith of God will not be shaken. My fiance went through so much: loss of a baby to death, loss of a young adult child to death, and all the death and destruction in Vietnam, yet his faith will not be stirred. Mine has wavered when the chocolate shell off my ice cream starts to melt.. "Why, God, why? What kind of a God would allow this suffering? I almost got it on my white shirt. Oh, the pain..." People need to get off this trip that they have the freedom to burn a flag, our national symbol, to stick their tongue down their sister's throat, to believe that Jesus is appearing on tortillas, TransAm hoods, and window panes, and other such nonsense. Yes, they have the freedom to do those things but they also have the freedom to jump off a 40 foot tree, try to fly off a cliff, lift a skyscraper with their bare hands or to stick those hands into the mouth of a tiger. Why don't they exercise that freedom instead of the ones that only bring attention? Why don't they exercise the freedom to try and lift a skyscraper with their own hands? Why not push a stopped train? They have the freedom. Just because you are free to do something doesn't mean you should do it.
Yes, my daughter is free to become a lesbian, color her lips black and stick pins through her face. She is free to listen to music about killing your parents and shooting cops. She has the freedom to shoot the finger at a cop should she please, but just because you have the freedom to do something, doesn't mean you should do it.