Do Your Children Bore You?

Helen Kirwan-Taylor says her children bore her to death. Having read the whole article, I think that early on in motherhood, she made a very unfortunate assumption about what parenting is, and decided that rather than submit to a "mind-numbing", "child-centric" life, she would ignore and neglect her kids, letting the nanny do what she considered the grunt work of parenthood, and requiring her children to be satisfied with a few verbal "I love you"s now and again. How sad.

Helen K-T was so convinced that motherhood meant catering to your child's every whim, delighting in their every bodily function, and running a taxi service that she totally missed the fact that it is poor parenting that makes things boring, not the existence of one's children. I can completely understand her lack of interest in Pirates of the Carribean, driving to 27 different activities each week, and generally being a slave to tiny tyrants. However, that's not motherhood anyway.

And there is a place in between Mother-as-Slave and Absent-Mother-Who-Hates-Mothering. In between is the Mother who enjoys her children because they are children, and doesn't expect them to have the same interests as herself. The in between Mother doesn't cater, but doesn't neglect. She considers with wonder the little things that they do make her children interesting. She includes her children in her life, and includes herself in their lives. She balances. She doesn't go shopping rather than watch them achieve something.

But she doesn't necessarily make it to every single event they ever have. She may not care for fiddly crafts and silly movies, she may not provide them for her children. But she doesn't rely on a nanny to provide the need (yes, need) that her children have for time (yes, time) spent with their mother. And while she doesn't cater to ever whim and desire of her children, sometimes a good Mother does something she doesn't particularly enjoy, and maybe even finds boring, just because she loves them.

I'm somewhat baffled as to how this Absent-Mother decided her children were boring. She must have abandoned them early on, to have missed all the incredible things that they did as they left infancy and entered childhood, and then started to approach adolescence. She didn't see the first time her toddlers grasped an abstract concept? She never looked into their eyes and saw the gears turning as they mulled over the world around them? She wasn't the butt of her 18 month old's first joke? She really, truly thought all that incredible growth and development was boring? Once again, how sad.

I would like to give Ms. Kirwan-Taylor the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she really is just completely clueless about what real parenthood means. But to be honest, by her own confession she seems to be a rather spoiled princess, who cares little for other human beings, but prefers to ponder the joys of recent fashion and which accessories she wants to wear. Actually, she sounds like a rather boring person herself, because selfishness and self-obsession makes for a really, really boring personality. I'd rather spend my time with a bunch of creative, interesting, amazing children.

The Queen of Carrots always has wonderfully pithy responses to things like this. Here's a little bit to whet your appetite:

"What truly mystifies me is why it is presented--by both sides--that the only parenting approaches are either devoting one's every moment to waiting upon their every need, or dodging them at every opportunity. Are the only places to put one's child in the priority list somewhere well above God or somewhere well below the hairdresser? Must one either talk as if one delights in wiping up every drop of drool, or spend one's days complaining to the girlfriends about the fiends you bore?

I certainly hope not, because neither approach sounds human to me, or beneficial for children or parents. What one does with children is raise them. " Read the whole thing.