Do You Date in the Past, Present, or Future?

It seems as though everyone is in a dating marathon with the finish line ending in a relationship and a few congratulation from the single crowd, but before you get your running shoes on, answer one question, in what tense do you date? It's an odd yet simple question to ask, but the response is more complex than imagined and requires a little self-awareness. When it comes to dating, there are three types of people. Those who date in the past, the present, or the future. Which one do you fall under?

Donna is smart and sexy; she's an accomplished editor for a high-powered glamor magazine and commands respect when she enters a room, but according to Donna, she has one major flaw and its she's a bad dater. The truth is, she's not a bad person, she just dates in the past, like so many of us do. When you date in the past, you either keep comparing your new partners with your past suitors or you keep bringing up the past on an on-going basis, which bores the crap out of your date. Learn to let go of the past in order to move forward, don't get stuck in a pattern of first-date hell by conjuring up Ralph and his inability to commit. When you compare everyone new to someone from a past love-affair you're building up walls that no one--on a first date--is willing to break down. Don't be quick to judge someone and falsely believe you can sum them up after one date because of what they ordered, what they wore or where they went to school. Remain open to the fact that although there may be a hint of similarity present, you're bold enough to see where it leads. Stop being a "past-dater" and let go of some of the baggage you love carrying around.

A future dater, like Nate, doesn't bring up the past. In fact, he's so wrapped up in the future that while his dates are trying to pick out their main entrée, he's busy planning the wedding. By the time he meets them, he's already brought up the names of his future children and asking if you like your summers in France or your autumns in New York. Nate, along with all the other "future daters" doesn't have a grasp of the "right now" enough to figure out why there's never a second date. He needs to allow himself to be in the moment and mindful of when his thoughts begin to stray. A "future dater" misses out on the opportunity to discover his date's idiosyncratic ways or what makes them smile--which in the dating world, can be a gem to see. Rope yourself back in when your mind starts to float around and dip into the future, take deep breathes and if all else fails, wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap that sucker every time you feel the urge to future-mind travel.

A present dater likes to stay in the present. They've put the past behind them and the future seems too far away to give it a second thought. Dates seem to be new adventures with lively conversation and enlightening dialog. Present daters keep things fun and interesting because they're only focus is on the now, but there's a drawback, they don't commit to easily. It seem they're so preoccupied with being in the moment, that tomorrow's plans don't unfold without some sort of anxiety arising--just like in April's case. April loves to meet men on the internet and will go out with them but then feels trapped when the second date arrives--which always seems to throw off the men she dates leaving them in a bubble of confusion wondering, "Why hasn't she returned my phone calls?" And that fact is, April is so focused on the now, that deciding on tomorrow has a crippling effect.

So is the perfect dater somewhere in between? A well-rounded person aware of their past and hopes for the future but enjoys the now? How do you date? Are you a mixture or do you tend to fall into one of the three categories? On your last date, what type were they? Leave your comment.