Do Your In-laws Drop in Unannounced? Here is How to Politely Teach Them to Call First!

Do you like your in-laws? Do you have problems with them dropping in without warning and staying for hours on end? Do you find yourself canceling and changing your plans and chores because you do not want to upset them? Well, even if you genuinely like your in-laws, it does not make your house a 24 hour center for socializing with them, especially when they make a habit of dropping in without calling first. On the other hand, even when this is a problem, it does not mean that it has to be something that is a problem that is so big that it cannot be controlled. Sometimes we can improve difficult situations just by tweaking them just a little bit. The question here becomes an issue of respect of boundaries.

The main focus of this issue here should be on how to set and enforce boundaries in a way that is firm yet gentle, thus not alienating your spouses family.

Several things are going on here, all of which spells a lack of respect for your time and the basic needs that we all have for our privacy. It is actually quite easy to solve this problem of your in-laws' walking in at unexpected and unwanted times.

The first and most obvious solution is to keep your doors locked. If your spouses' family is used to just walking in when they drop in, they will now get used to the door being locked and will become accustomed to knocking when they do decide to pop in instead of just opening it and walking in at their leisure.

When it comes to in-laws hanging out at your house for hours and hours when you have things to do and places to go, that is going to require your standing by your own plans to underline their importance. In other words, the next time your in-laws decide to stop by without prior warning, just let them know within the first five minutes of their visit exactly what you have got going on and when you are planning on leaving. As an example, suppose that your husband's mother drops in at 2 in the afternoon and you already have been planning on meeting your friend for a shopping date in one hour. You would say "hey mom come on in!" We have just enough time for a cup of tea, then I am going to have to leave to meet Mary".

If your mother in law is still lingering after the tea is gone, then what you do next is to physically stand up and say, "I am so glad we had time to catch up, however I am going to have to go now. Mary is going to be meeting me in 20 minutes and I must not be late. Could we catch up for dinner on Thursday?"

You do not have to be rude or stern about it, in fact by suggesting future plans you are encouraging wanted behavior by the example of your making plans in advance, and at the same time letting your husband's mother that you value her company and would like to spend more time with her, but at a pre-determined time.

Being consistent is the key. Each time you get an unexpected visit, always take a few minutes with your guest or guests, letting them know that you have other plans and always suggest a time and activity for getting together in the near future. They will soon get the message!