Do a Lot of Your Child's Friends Turn Out to Be Jerks?

Does it seem to you that most of your child's friends turn out to be jerks? If so, you are not alone. Many parents deal with the frustration of repeated instances where their child's so-called "friends" prove themselves to be untrustworthy, unreliable, or even cruel. If it seems to you that the friend-pool is running dry of quality kids for your child to be friends with, you share a common complaint among thousands of parents all over the country who have grown tired of their children's interactions with crappy kids that appear to have never been taught even the basics of courtesy or behavioral etiquette.

Why do so many of your child's friends turn out to be jerks? I've been raising kids for nearly two decades. In that time, I have personally watched thousands of other parents as they interact with their own children. It is blaringly obvious to me that the overwhelming tendency among parents during the last 20 years has been to hold their kids accountable for very little, if anything at all. The vast majority of parents I have witnessed interacting with their own children virtually ignore (or do ignore, altogether) any inappropriate behavior exhibited by their kids. This appears to be true even when kids are doing really unacceptable things, like hitting each other. I can't count how many times I've stood in disbelief as parents simply ignored the fact that their child was pummeling another, or knocking them to the ground, or even yelling insults to adults.

Additionally, it's undeniable that the vast majority of kids I have been exposed to during the last twenty years are indulged with expensive toys, clothing, and vacations. This combination of practices churns out millions of kids who not only expect to get everything they want, but who also have no regard whatsoever for how their actions affect other people. This means that even if you've diligently parented in ways that have produced a thoughtful, mature child, they're going to encounter a serious shortage of quality kids to be friends with.

What can be done? Sadly, not much, it seems. It doesn't appear as though parents are becoming any more mindful of raising quality kids who would make decent friends. You might get lucky and find some like-minded parents as you raise your own child, and hopefully your children can make friends with theirs. We were fortunate enough to know a few such families. These families had children who were friendly, kind-hearted, smart, and willing to play fairly. There weren't many. More often than not, what ends up being the case is that our children will make friends with kids who later really do just turn out to be jerks. Our kids have had to learn a lot about navigating interactions with people who are thoughtless and sometimes even unstable. It doesn't end after high school, either. My oldest child, a sophomore in college, still has to deal with friends who turn out to be immature, dishonest and manipulative. The best course is just to help your child to recognize when a "friend" really isn't a friend at all, and how to move on into more productive friendships with better people.

Helping your child navigate relationships with friends who turn out to be jerks is difficult at times. It is disheartening to see so many kids come and go who have never been taught to respect others. Hopefully, at some point, they will find a few quality friends with whom they build lasting friendships.