Do You Have a Negative Relationship with a Friend?

At some point in our lives, we have all looked at a friend in a different light, almost as if we did not know them as we thought we did. Unexpected reactions in certain situations have given pause to the idea that this friend is someone we could trust and depend on. How do we spot these toxic friends and how can we remove them from our lives?

The Promise Breaker
Isn't it common to find those friends who are a constant disappointment? Their word is definitely not their bond as they prove each time they fail to keep a promise. In this situation, you have a choice; either abandon the friend completely or mark them as unreliable and protect yourself by knowing that plans will be cancelled more often than not.

Consider that if your friend has only recently displayed their unreliability that you might want to give them a chance. Is it a lifelong trait that will be hard to change or temporary conditions that you can accept and help your friend overcome? Knowing the difference can save your own life from constant grief and disappointment.

The Double-Crosser
This is one of the most negative and toxic relationships that you can involve yourself in. The Double-crosser is one who can affect you directly or indirectly. They may be one that spreads a rumor about you based on knowledge from being a friend. It could be an emotional double-cross as well, such as when a friend stops speaking to you as punishment for a perceived offense.

Directly, the double-cross can be a betrayal. Using your friendship in some fashion to further their needs or desires is an example of their toxic nature. When a friend expects that you will do something for them without first finding out whether you agree with it. An example of this would be to use you as alibi to cover their wrong doings. A Double-crosser is toxic in the fact that he or she can hurt you directly or indirectly. If you know that your friend is hurting someone else, you must decide whether they will hurt you in the future is a chance you are willing to take in keeping that negativity in your life.

The Self-Absorbed
This one is very simple, everything is all about them. Your self-absorbed friend shows no interest in talking about anything unless it has a benefit to them. Over the long haul, you will realize that your friend does not take the time to listen to you and share a concern for your needs. The self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.

Self-absorbed chatter is also a sign of nervousness, or a deep desire to feel like they belong. Before you write this friend off as toxic, be sure that your friend does not just need to relax and be more confident in his or her surroundings.

If it turns out this is a trait that your friend is aware of, and is comfortable with, you must decide if there are enough positive points about this friendship that will cause you to continue with it. Be sure that if you decide the friendship is not worth keeping, the self-absorbed friend will chatter on to someone else about how it is your entire fault the friendship was dissolved.

The Discloser
This is obvious, isn't it? Friendships involve a certain amount of trust. You share your inner feelings with your closest friends. Yet when they repeat those feelings to others, they disclose your privacy and make it public. In short, this friend is a gossip hound. He or she loves to talk and will talk about anything they learn. How do you know if someone will betray your confidence? That is quite simple, test your friend if you suspect them by sharing an "important secret" and wait to see if it is repeated to others. This secret, of course, should be something untrue and easily refuted, should the test become an ordeal.

The first sign that your friend may not be able to be trusted is if they gossip continually about other people. That is not a definitive proof that they are a discloser, but you may want to be on your guard. Obviously, this person is not one you can trust with personal and private thoughts.

The Competitor
The Competitor will often make a competition out of any situation. They must be better and will achieve that through even the minutest of tasks. This might show itself in an unasked for competition concerning members of the opposite sex. Does your friend constantly play one-up games or make statements to that effect? Chances are you have a competitor on your hands. You will either need to find a way to diminish his or her need to compete with you or forego the experience altogether.

The Faultfinder
Criticism abounds in this toxic relationship. Your friend will forever find fault in anything and everything you do. Your clothes, your taste, your other friends, even your thoughts and actions will find their way into the mixing bowl of the Faultfinders critique.

Continuing this relationship will cause resentment over the long haul. Speak with your friend about your concerns. You may need to leave this friend behind if there is no change in behavior. When they are out of friends and have no one left to find fault with, then maybe they will see where the faults really lie. A risk you take, if you respond with equal criticism, is that your friend will end the relationship with the idea that you are too critical. Quite ironic.

When reading this, you may feel that every friend you have falls into one of these categories at some point in time. The point to realize here is behavioral tendencies. If your friend shows that one of these traits is constant and consistent, then it could very well be that they are toxic. The level of their toxicity or negative impact on your life is dependent on what you wish to have in your life. It could very well be localized instances that your friend displays one of these aspects, and in a case such as that, it would not be necessary to end the friendship if discussion resolves the issue.