Do You Really Connect with People?

Communication (and learning) occurs any time the thought inside my head finds its way to a familiar image inside your head. Voilá! Communication! So, my job, if I have something I wish to convey, is to find a way to express my thought in words and images that will connect with something that already lives inside of you. Seems simple enough, ya? So, why is communication such a major stumbling block in almost any relationship?

We all create our own language by connecting images and words based on our personal and unique life experience. This means that even something as simple as the word "dog" creates a wide spectrum of images inside the individual mind. Perhaps we enjoy dogs, or have had wonderful experiences with them, or, the contrary may be true. If our experience has been good, the image that arises at the mention of the word "dog" will be pleasant. If our experience is not good, the images will not be pleasant.

The brown dog is friendly. - a vague image

The big, brown dog romped playfully. - a pleasant experience

The brown mongrel bared his yellowed teeth in an unwelcome growl. - a less pleasant image

If I have a message to convey, it is my job to find a means of expression that will carry my thought to the listener/learner. I must also observe his/her expression for "signs of connection." We're all familiar with the image of the light bulb lighting above the cartoon character's head as an indicator of message received . Most of us have some sort of "sign" in our body language that reflects successful communication. Similarly, most of us have some version of the "blank stare" that says ... "Um, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

So the object of communication, then, is to relate my experience to yours. The more communication tools we have at our disposal, the more likely we will be to have the ability to communicate successfully with more people. We use words to communicate, but we also use our facial expressions, our body language, our hands, our choice of words, a touch, and the tone of our voice to express the thoughts and feelings we wish to convey. We can also use silence. In other words, communication is both verbal and non-verbal.

A decade ago, when I was teaching high school, I taught a "Communication" class. Most of the students (and perhaps their parents, as well) thought it was a language class. Although it was an Eng elective, it was much more than a language class. In fact, a great portion of our class time was spent on non-verbal communication. We did some mime, some gestures, some facial expressions, and some sign language. The kids absolutely loved it! They, for the most part, felt so much more empowered with the additional skills that many of them improved in their overall academic performance. Communication is a foundational skill upon which our personal success depends.

Now, I'm teaching 2 yr olds, and communication skills are just beginning to blossom as the neuro-transmitters in their little brains connect to form images. As every parent knows, each child develops at their own personal rate, but there are milestones by which to measure a child's progression. A vital milestone in a child's development is communication. (Of course, once they hit puberty, they tend to regress! lol) If we, as parents, friends, and educators can remember how communication (learning) works, it is more likely it will occur as our children mature and develop. We have to "empathisize" with a child to communicate with him/her. We have to try to see the world through their eyes and remember their limited experience. We must also stimulate their imagination to create new images by connecting to those already present ... building a foundation of experience images for a lifetime of successful communication.