Do You Really Do? Entering into the Covenant of Marriage

"For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." These are words that nearly every married couple has uttered, so why is it that nearly 50% of all marriages in the US fail?* What part of 'for better or worse' and 'till death do us part' isn't sinking in?

What was once a religious ceremony joining two people for eternity has now become, for many, simply a rite of passage, a checkmark on the to-do list of life, or a fleeting whim. The beautiful and melodious statements once uttered by a pastoral head are now thrown about by Elvis impersonators and friends who took an online certification. The result is changes from: "so long as we both shall live" to: "so long as we both shall love." While those three letters may seem a small factor, the difference is multifaceted. Love waxes and wanes with petty wants while committing to a lifetime means facing the maelstrom and hanging on to unconditional love when you might not particularly like your spouse just at the moment. The firmness of marriage and the resolute nature of this once revered ritual have been proven time and again by relationships that last 50 or more years. Talk to any of those couples and you'll find that not every day was a bowl of cherries, but abiding through the hard times led to greener pastures and more love than ever before.

In an effort to ensure the lasting bond of marriage, covenant marriages are becoming a popular way to remind both parties that this is a serious and life-long commitment. Couples preparing to enter into a covenant marriage undergo counseling with their officiant for several weeks or even months prior to the ceremony wherein they'll walk through common issues, talk about tough subjects, and cement the seriousness of the journey they're about to take together.

Marriage began as a covenant, a commitment between one man and one woman before God. The bible speaks often of the concrete nature of the ceremony. "A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24) "so they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must never separate" (Mark 10:9).

And yet, that's just what many do, they allow themselves to be separated. There are many reasons given, but most do not justify severing a tie that is meant to bind two people for life. Covenant marriage does not allow for no-fault divorce and requires the couple to go through a 2-year counseling program when considering dissolution of marriage. This legal failsafe reinforces the promise they've made and can help to remind them of their love and commitment to each other.

Too many people today view marriage as a legally binding contract alone. Contracts are based on rights and responsibilities, tangible and steady factors, rather than unconditional love and the time and turmoil needed to build it. A legal contract is necessary to begin, and likewise to end, a marriage, but a covenant is more than a contract or a legal document declaring a state of interdependence.

Studies have shown that couples with troubled marriages who receive counseling are more likely to stay married. Other statistics are showing a plunge in divorce rates in communities that have required pre-marital education. Today's media and celebrities flaunt fly-by-night relationships and a selfishness that is imposed on the other spouse as opposed to a selflessness freely given. A great guide to this kind of selflessness can be found in THE LOVE DARE by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. This book is also the star of a great movie that all couples should watch together, FIREPROOF, which illustrates a typical turbulent marriage and how true commitment can turn it around. The fictional couple eventually renews their vows into a covenant marriage, which is something that many already wed couples are doing as well.

So if you are thinking of getting married, are in a turbulent spot in your relationship, or are simply intrigued; take a look at some of these resources and talk to your local authorities about covenant marriage options near you.

*Divorce rate sources:
http://marriage101.org/divorce-rates-in-america/
http://www.divorcerate.org/