Do You Set Yourself Up to Be Manipulated by Your Child?

Most of the time when kids are attempting to manipulate it is their way of letting us know that one of their needs is going unanswered. Of course that depends on the area of manipulation. If you are being downright black mailed into a doing something you know is not necessary or even inadvisable for you child or are being "forced" to purchase a toy just to get your child to stop throwing the dreaded temper tantrum, then we are no longer talking about the same thing. In this case the child needs good old fashioned discipline not a feather duster to tickle his fancy.

However if Bedtime bossiness is a factor, the calls of Mommy don't go or playing sick to get your attention is the case you may which to take a closer look at the underlying reasons. Take a closer look at the following 6 scenarios and see if you are guilty of one or more of these behaviors.

You are constantly pleading and bargaining with your child instead of setting limits and sticking to them. If this is the case you are handing the key to tantrums to your child. He or she already knows by now that you are a push over and will do anything to avoid getting the little angel upset. Parenting means among many other things to teach your child that he or she can not have everything they desire. In this case your child lacks discipline and structure. Yes, children require rules to get ready for the grown up world.

Are purposely or unknowingly withholding - your time, attention or gifts from time to time- leading your child to feel the need to beg for it? Requesting is normal, but a child should never have to beg for you attention and time. Those are things that should be naturally theirs within reason. No you are not required to spend every waking moment with your child or buy them everything they fancy. But a certain amount of absolute attention should be theirs. This will make them secure enough in your love to be able to stand separation. A gift here and there is also a lovely thing. Those can be small things that cost near to nothing.

Do you expect your child to live around your schedule, rather then learning to take their rhythm into account? In todays busy adult schedule that can happen very easily. More often then not we are so busy with work and social calendar that we expect our children to just fit in wherever we can fit in a couple of minutes. By making our kids feel as if they aren't important enough we are constantly making them feel insecure. No you can not always dance to your child's drum, but there are times when you must find time to accommodate them.

Are you a nerves wreck when you have to separate from your child and give them the feelings of anxiety as well? In case you haven't noticed, children are excellent at feelings our own anxieties. By giving them the sense that we are imagining doom and gloom every time we walk away and leave them in the care of another responsible person we are telegraphing to them the go ahead to play onto our anxious feelings. How often have you seen a child throw a holy fit when the parent dropped them off at kindergarten only to see them playing blissfully as soon as the parent had turned the corner?

Are you one of those quick to promise and never able or willing to deliver? If you are the giving parent in words only with nothing behind your big words, then you are teaching your kids first hand what it means to have to mistrust and disbelieve anything someone says. You are not only doing your child a great disservice, but are also screwing things up for yourself.

Do you feel unable to uphold your parental responsibilities? This often seems to happen with very young parents. At times being a new parent or a parent of multiple children can be very overwhelming. When this happens, we rather give in then to set the ground rules.

There are other things to watch out for as well. Being hesitant to say no to your child's demands for fear of loosing his or her love. Trying to make up for your own difficult or meager childhood. Thinking that being manipulative is cute or clever. Fighting with your spouse about parenting styles in the presence of your child can all make things a lot more difficult then it needs to be.