Do You Suffer from Student of the Month Syndrome?

If you are angry, bitter, or planning retaliation because you were recently passed over for an award at work, school or within your community or organization, you may be suffering from Student of the Month Syndrome (SMS). SMS - not to be confused with Short Message Service (also known as text messaging) - affects millions of high achievers worldwide. Left untreated, SMS may lead to extreme job dissatisfaction, alienation from one's co-workers and friends, suicidal tendencies, death threats, assassination plots, termination of employment, restraining orders and possible time in prison.

Common Characteristics

Common symptoms of SMS include chronic gloating, excessive posting of certificates of achievement (sometimes dating as far back as kindergarten) in one's bedroom or office, sending monthly newsletters about one's recent accomplishments, extreme longing for frequent public accolades, the strong desire for one-upmanship and the tendency to backstab fellow friends, coworkers and acquaintances.

Additional symptoms may include dramatic mood swings or depression, migraine headaches, constipation, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, jock itch, depression, dandruff, fluid retention, fatigue, hair loss or leprosy.

Causes

The exact cause of SMS is unknown. Many psychologists link this problem to the absence of unconditional love during childhood, or rejection from school officials who often single out the same kids each year for their excellence and leave the rest to feel like complete idiots.

Treatment

Presently there is no known cure for SMS. Treatment options range from psychiatric care to support networks offering weekly group hugs and ego stroking. In 2007, activists rallied together to launch the "Get a Life" campaign to help raise money for research that will hopefully one day lead to a cure.