Do We Take Black Women Seriously Enough?

I had an interesting discussion today with a Black Woman on Facebook about why Black Women are not married. For one, I am sick of these statistics because they simply create drama by the mere fact of their existence, and they leave a lot of questions unanswered and people are not asking the right questions to get to the bottom of the questions that they pose. For example if you look at the website unmarried.org the statistics there suggest that the overwhelming majority of people who are not married are White, or Caucasian (not sure what the proper term is anymore), and that minorities actually marry more than they do. But then in another statistic they say that the average person who is unmarried is Black, poor, uneducated and uninsured.

These are things that we already know. First off people who are poor face a lot of difficulty getting into a relationship to begin with, particularly men. These statistics suggest that a Black Woman may have a relationship with a disenfranchised Black Man but she sure as hell is not going to marry him. Uneducated and uninsured is also a nice way to say that the man has poor credit, and who wants that either. But at the same time you could flip these statistics and suggest that Black Men do not want to concern themselves with marrying who are in essence, their peers. The best argument I could give this woman is that a lot of men are not interested in marrying someone who has kids, as hypocritical as that may be when they have children of their own they do not want to take care of someone else's kids.

There was no closure to be found in my exchange with the woman. But it made me think, of all of the Black Women that I know at my job just how many of them are married? I know of one or two that have told me that they are married but is the average lower to upper middle class Black Woman married? Particularly if they are younger and in their twenties or thirties. The woman said that she does not concern herself with women that were married at one time, which seemed convenient. How can you speak for some Black Women and not other Black Women if the idea that 42% of Black Women that are unmarried raises alarm?

In fact I probably missed what was communicated inbetween the lines, "I'm not married and I am a Black Woman, so what's up with that?"; I inevitably stated that I married a Black Woman and the conversation was over. Yet I have to wonder if I think that everything is okay just because I have what I want in life and other people are struggling to get to that place. I have been in a lot of relationships with Black Women that simply were not going to go anywhere. I have been in situations with Black Women where they simply told me how it is going to be and there was not any room for discussion. I have talked to Black Women that I was good enough to be friends with but were not good enough for sex. In general I am someone that a lot of Black Women simply do not take seriously.

Then again I probably do not take myself that seriously either. In any event I still love Black Women. But is love good enough when you cannot really answer those simple questions that Black Women have that need to be answered? If you cannot bring about any closure, if you are at a loss for words have you failed that Black Woman, or was it enough for you to have simply been there. Because it seems as though a lot of us are just walking away from Black Women in general. Some of us who are still around leave one Black Woman for another Black Woman, and everything seems to be okay until we have drama with the jump off and we need to leave again for yet another Black Woman. Some of us leave for women of other races, until that gets old as well. A lot of us don't even like women, not just Black Women but women in general, and we put on that front because bisexuality is taboo in the Black community but in all reality we are looking for the bed of another man. That is very sad because those are the Black Men that seem to have the most in common with Black Women and those are the men that are the easiest for them to fall for because they appear to have everything together and seem like the perfect candidate for a relationship.

This leaves me at that point where I ask myself why did I even jump into that argument in the first place. It is human nature to do so, because I get off on talking to women, any women they don't have to be Black but then perhaps I was better off just walking away. It wasn't as though I really had anything nice to say in the first place. I used to be open to talking to women about their problems and trying to see them through it but these days I would rather not hear about any issues that you have. I am not getting paid for it, nothing but drama can come out of it, and I am indifferent because you will inevitably turn against me because I am the closest at the time not because you really have a problem with me.

There was a time and place where I would think that it is our sovereign duty to love and protect all Black Women, not romantically but just to be there for them just in case. These days however it just seems that people are angry and hostile and men and women shouldn't waste their time trying to talk to the other person to see what they really think. I am not suggesting that everyone just has sex and avoids all of the smalltalk because our parents tried that and that didn't work too well. But you have to come to a place where you realize that you are the one with the problem, it isn't anyone else's problem and no one else is going to help you with those issues unless there is something in it for them. Discussions are had amongst us as a form of intellectual intercourse not because we really want to have our questions answered.

Find yourself a weird, obtuse, natural, eccentric, intellectual chick with nappy hair that likes abstract art, shops at thrift stores, and doesn't like to bathe because she is somewhere between a hippie and a hipster and the average Black man is going to at least pretend to be on a different level because he is trying to "smash". Anything more than that would result in utter boredom. Why waste your time with someone who is slick that wears designer clothing when you can get the real deal? To put it in layman's terms a lot of you are wasting time purchasing the wrong things because you are still alone and do not have anyone to hold you tight at night, and those trinkets that you use to impress other women are not going to help you keep a man anymore than if you were true to yourself and who you really are inside. This is part of the lie that the media continues to tell Black Women that they are never good enough for anyone to take them home to their mother. That lie is that a Black Woman can be educated, dress sharp, take interest in all of the right things and date all of the right men and she will never be good enough because another woman who is of a lighter complexion than she is, or of another race, will always steal her man at the end of the day. No one ever tells them that when this does happen the only thing they had done wrong was to date a man that was just pretending to be a Black Man, not a real brother that truly was one. Not a Black Man that really appreciates a Black Woman and all of her flaws and quirks and everything else that is politically incorrect about her. I hope that Black Women can get their questions answered, but I have realized that I am not the one to answer them ...