Do You Wish You Had a Child of Your Own?

Since its 1976 proclamation as National Adoption Month in Massachusetts, November has remained a part of our National tradition as a time to celebrate the gift of love. A little over seventeen years ago, such a gift was given to me when my seven-day-old son was placed in my arms.

As I gazed into the face of my baby, I could not have envisioned that a mere twelve hours later, I would fall completely, irrevocably in love. I could not have comprehended that this "Son of My Soul," would capture my heart completely and forever hold it captive. Imagine my surprise at the reaction of some of the people I came into contact with, and the main question I was asked: "Do you ever wish you had a child of your own?"

I'm sure the quizzical look on my face must have baffled such interrogators until they heard my response: "But I have!" It seemed to many, that a magical contribution of DNA was all that could make someone yours, but that is not so. Life together, commitment and love, work their own magic.

I decided to ask a few adoptive parents what their answer to this question is and received the following replies:

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Karyn Sullivan, Bothwell, Washington answered, "I do have a child of my own. My children are my children. I never refer to them as my adopted children because they are my children. They were meant to be with me. This is just one of the many questions biological parents feel they have the right to ask us. That and 'do you have any real children' and on an on."

Naomi Williams, Pensacola, Florida replied,

"A. Adopted children are REAL.

B. He is MY child.

C. I don't feel obligated to answer people when they ask me in a manner that is offensive.

However I will say, yes, these are my children and yes, some are bio and we also adopted.

I don't say that six are bio and only one is adopted. I let them make their own assumptions."

And Joanne Green of Stockton, California responded with, "Did I ever want a child of my own? Yes, of course I did. From the time I was a little girl, I looked forward to being a mother. It was all I ever wanted. I prayed for my children long before any of them were conceived. How would I have guessed back then that the children who would be my own would be born on the other side of the world? They were, of course, and through the miracle of adoption, we found each other. These are my own - my very own, absolutely and completely in every way. I just didn't birth them.

Birth is to parenting what a wedding is to marriage. It's a nice memory, but the long haul is what it's really about. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cleft_talk/

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I would also often hear, "I'd love to adopt a baby, but I just don't think that I will feel the same towards an adopted child as I would had I given birth," to which I would reply, "Then I feel sorry for your husband. He doesn't carry the child. I guess he can't love any children you have as his own."

Joanne's metaphor reminds me of a statement I often use to persons contemplating adoption, "When you marry, you adopt your spouse and his or her family. So too, they adopt you. When a friend becomes so close that you find that you love them, you adopt them into your life as an addition to your family. Adopting a child is a life-long commitment to love, to parenting, to taking care of your child.

Adoption is as old as mankind, and as an adoptive mother I can clearly state that my son is my own in every way. He has filled my heart as no other person in my life ever has and will retain that position for eternity.