Do Women like Sex or Do They Use it as a Tool?

Recently a man that I know made the statement "Women don't really like or want sex, they just use it to get what they want." I was somewhat stunned by such a blanket statement and found myself debating this topic with him only to end with neither of us budging on our stand. Never being the type to accept something when it doesn't make sense to me, I decided to ask other people about this. I asked a group of bloggers as well as friends, family and my own husband. Some of the answers were exactly what I expected others certainly surprised me.

When I first posed the question in my bog some men thought that the question didn't apply to them as it was a question about women's sexuality but when they did answer the answers were very thoughtful. My participants are from various areas of the world though most are from the US or Canada and age varies from early twenties to over seventy, sexual orientation was not asked nor needed to participate. I had significantly less men respond than women and some men that I asked were so uncomfortable with the topic they would not even answer my question.

The Men Thought

Women do like sex, but they are not very good at communicating what they need, want or like.

A small number thought that women like sex as long as it is with someone other than their partner.

Women don't like quickies: None admitted to being a two minute wonder themselves.

Some women do use sex to get what they want but most don't believe it to be material wants as often as emotional wants.

Some believe there are women who don't like sex and will only use it as tool but the overall attitude of these men is that it is not all women who feel or behave in that manner.

Women have been raised to believe that liking sex or having more than one partner in their lifetime makes them sluts. These men believe there is a societal pressure to be the good and proper lady which makes many women afraid to either admit or allow themselves to enjoy sex.

The overall belief of the men I spoke with was that the man who made the statement must have had bad experiences or had been badly hurt by a woman.

The Women Thought

The overall attitude was the women do like sex and one even quit taking a certain medication because it was hurting her sex drive.

Women don't like two minute sex

Men also use sex as a tool. For men they believe sex is used when the woman needs something or wants something done and the man will only agree when the woman agrees to have sex with him.

Women do use sex as tool as many believe this will get them the man to fall in love with them or marry them.

Men on occasion will withhold sex to get what they want.

Women often equate sex with love.

Being groped or slobbered on is not considered sex or foreplay and too many men don't know the difference.

If women didn't like sex then why is the sex toy industry a booming business?

Women do use sex to get what they want, the ultimate goal is to achieve and orgasm.

With the right man sex is their favorite pastime.

When all the data is gathered and questions as answered, it would seem that women don't dislike sex and yes they can use it as a tool but it seems men are also guilty of that same crime. What I found most interesting in this was the way many men seemed to immediately jump on the two minute wonder, it is clear they do understand this to a problem yet, so many women still complain about this problem. Most men do seem to have a good understanding of what women want and yes even what they need. So, I am left with the question where does the thought process that women don't like sex really come from? Consider these two scenarios:

Scenario A

Carrie is involved with Mike, an educated, very attractive successful man. Carrie says he is a very skilled lover who knows what a woman likes most of time. Mike is a nice enough guy but he really doesn't listen very often to Carrie and can be overly sensitive when she tries to suggest a better way to do anything. Mike seems more interested in his own feelings than Carrie's.

Scenario B

Shannon is involved with Patrick. Patrick is also educated, attractive and successful. Patrick has limited experience with women and sex and tends to be a bit of a fumbler at times. Shannon has ever had but he treats her very well. Patrick is interested in what Shannon has to say and how she feels about things. Patrick is willing to listen to others when they make a suggestion and is willing to try other ways to do things.

If these two women are still with the same men in two years which one is likely to have a satisfying and enjoyable sex life? Why?