Doer Vs Watcher

This dry sand in her hand has got a terrific resemblance to her. These particles are as vague and weird as she is. They are slipping out of her hand in all directions, the same way as her life has been slipping out of her control. She cannot help but appreciate the flow of it; though practically speaking every moment that flows has not added anything to it. She has no choice but to appreciate this endless journey as there is no trace of destiny. I wish her God had sent her with a definite life plan in her brain. May be when he was reading it out loudly for her, she was dozing in her seat. He had no option but to drop her blank. Probably he didn't have time to borrow pen and paper from somebody from earth to write it for her. I can understand that these articles are manly creations, not Godly and hence Gods have no direct access to them.

So she was dropped on the shores of life without any map of the vast

Ocean over her head. Every drop of the sea and every wave of it were new to her .To her she was a great sailor and the ocean was very smooth. So she went on in her own direction thinking that she is going to land on some great place. She didn't know that her life was not about some beautiful destiny but about an endless journey. God only knew what she was to get out of her journey. It seemed that she had no option but to let her ship loose in all directions because every time she tried to give direction to her ship, she found herself moving round and round in circles. It was not easy but she had to do it. She had to sail in a directionless ship. She could do nothing but wait and watch where the angry waves are going to take her. She had no faith no belief to hold her. She believed in uncertainty, insecurity.

In her school days she had written number of times about her aim in life. She would rush to her father for an impressive essay .For her to have a good aim in life mattered a lot. But it couldn't help her as her life was a journey not a destination. She had to roll on and on and on. She wanted to do everything, but ended up doing nothing. She was not cut out to be but to fly with the wind. How could I be so vague? She would ask herself. She did everything to give direction and shape to her mind and life but all in vain. She had to be vague and weird because that was how she was. She was like water, with no shape, co lour or odor of her own. She couldn't do anything but watch herself being carried away by life. She wanted to lead her life but couldn't help following it as she had the qualities of a servant, not a master.

Now that she realized that she was the servant, not master of her life. It was not easy for her to accept this. She broke every part of her in bid to take charge of her life but every time she faced life, she got a blow on her face. She didn't want to give up, but every time she got up to shape up her scattered self, she found herself yielding before life. She didn't want to do it but it was happening. I suppose it was Gods wish. Anyway she didn't believe in supernatural. For her everything was so natural and spontaneous. Whatever was happening in her life was out of her reach, but she knew that it was something natural and not supernatural that she was missing. . She couldn't stick herself to this world, as simple as that. Something that could attach her to this world was missing in her.

But what was that? She accessed and analyzed every cell of hers in introspection. Was she really missing something? Or was she different? But how did that matter so long as you are living in a relative world. So in short she was missing something. Every situation reminded her of her incapability to touch it. She had no hands to touch her life situations, not to talk of molding it. In such cases usually people are tempted to believe that God will do for them what they cannot do. In her case the condition was even worse because she had no faith. Where will she land? What will happen to her? All these questions haunted her. She had to watch her life for the answers. For such people OSHO recommended "Be a watcher, not a doer". May be he knew, these are the people who cannot do anything about their life. OSHO also said," Don't look for security in life". He knew that a life that cannot be controlled cannot be secured.

This was the irony of her life. She wanted to be a doer from the beginning of her life,but in reality she was cut out to be a watcher, just a watcher. Doing was poisonous for her. Watching every moment of life passing by without being able to even wave it, was very painful. But the pain was bearable as compared to the pain of touching hot and sharp situations that had the capacity to burn and cut deeply. So she resolved to be a watcher, not a doer. She watched whatever was happening in her life as if she was watching a movie. She watched the pain in her body, the agony in her brain with a deep hush. The hush was so deep that her mind didn't have the slightest touch of it. This deep hush though started deliberately, ended up as an auto start mechanism. She feared that her life may end up with like that. She may not be able to touch even the most demanding situations of her life.

How she changed herself into an effective doer from being a mere watcher?
Read in the next part of article" Doer Vs Watcher"
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