Does My Child Have an Inferiority Complex?

At one time or another, most children express a feeling of inadequacy or inferiority when faced with a difficult task or a challenging social situation. This is quite normal. As a matter of fact, most adults experience feelings of inadequacy and inferiority a few times as well. For some children, though, it becomes an apparent and common pattern, and parents may feel concerned that their child is developing strong and lasting feelings of inferiority.

Feelings of inadequacy may be present when a child is confronted with a task or situation that feels unmanageable, one that he or she doesn't feel equipped to handle. Normally, feelings of inadequacy are task or situation-specific. A child may feel inadequate in sports, or spelling or at dance class. Over time, he or she may develop the skills to feel increasingly adequate, or the situation may present an opportunity for honest self-appraisal and may either choose to rise to the challenge of mastering something difficult, or finding another activity where he or she feels more adequate.

Temporary bouts of feeling inadequate are normal and do not necessarily indicate that a child has a lasting problem. However, if these feelings are allowed to fester and accumulate over time and seem to be present over several different tasks so that a child seems to feel as though he is inadequate at many things, this can develop into a generalized feeling of inferiority.

Unfortunately, children (just like adults) can get stuck in a spiral of negative feelings and experiences that perpetuate a feeling of inferiority. Children who are from a minority or have a learning disability or physical challenge that sets them apart may be even more prone to developing strong feelings of inferiority. By constantly being in situation where they are at the "bottom rung" or are left out and treated by others as though they are inferior will simply add to the cycle of self-loathing.

For children who are constantly talking about how inferior they feel, how much better others are at this or that, or actually talking about how much they dislike themselves on a regular basis - parents will need to step in and try to break the cycle of self-hatred. Helping children understand that worth and esteem are not dependent on success or failure is one way parents can begin to counter the affects of negative feelings of inferiority. Helping a child find activities where he can use his talents, and participate in a successful way is also an important way to intervene. We all need activities and places in the world where we can feel our competence and the appreciation of our contribution. Parents may also need to take a look at whether or not they, or the school, coaches, instructors, etc. are putting too much pressure on a child to "be a success" - for some children, highly competitive situations can create the slew of negative experiences that contribute to feelings of inferiority. If there is too large of a gap or discrepancy in the child's abilities and talents and what is being asked and required of him, this can also create a breeding ground for inferior feelings. While children need challenging experiences in life and opportunities to strive and make an effort, too much striving without achieving or feeling accomplishment and competence can be devastating.

Parents should be prepared for a dedicated process of helping a child deal with feelings of inferiority and ready to work closely to help the child re-build self-esteem and develop a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.