Does Your Child Own Their Mess or Do You?
Five Telling Factors
How do you know who owns your child's mess? Is it you? Is it someone else? Hopefully, it's your child. There are five telling questions you can ask yourself that may provide an answer. For instance, who cleans up their messes? Who is impacted by their messes? Who takes the fall for their messes? If the answer is you or someone else, it may be time to make some changes.
Who cleans up your child's messes? Think carefully. What if you're running late? What if company's due in five minutes and your child's room is tornado struck? What do you do? Please don't say you clean it for them. Please don't say you help them clean. Let it be messy. Let your child feel the sting of embarrassment. Let them own their mess.
Who is impacted by your child's mess? If it's not them, you need to think of a way to make it so. Let the laundry pile up. They won't have anything to wear. That means they can't go to the movies or to play with friends. If they break their toys, throw them away and don't replace them. You get the idea. Most children are not naturally responsible. It's clever parents (and life experience) that makes them that way. Give them a little taste of both.
Who takes the fall for your child's messes? Is it you? If so, you better change that in a quick hurry. Is their room a mess you have to face every time you walk down the hall? Close the door. Is there an obnoxious odor coming from in there? Ban food from their room. Are you responsible for cleaning their pet cages, litter boxes, etc? Stop doing it. If things don't improve, give away the pets. If your child has to take the fall for their own mess, there will be fewer messes.
Do you make excuses for your child? Oh no, you don't. A lack of responsibility is not a phase. It's not because they're busy, tired or have too much on their plate either. If it is, it's time to restrict their activities and entertainment. Making excuses for your child's sloppy habits is like giving them permission to be lazy. Shout it to the rooftops. The embarrassment alone might force them to take action.
Has your child's mess become the family joke? It's not that funny is it? If your child is so messy they've become notorious for it, they don't own their mess. Their mess is a source of embarrassment for the entire family. That good natured ribbing may be a release of frustration for one or all family members. Put your foot down. Give them a vested interest in taking care of their responsibilities. Let them pay for their own actions. Stop making excuses for your child. They deserve better and so do you. Make your child realize they own their own messes.
More from this contributor:
Six Easy Steps to a Clean Kid's Room that Stays Clean
Are You Enabling Your Child to Misbehave?
Does Your Child Take Advantage of Your Permissiveness?
Source:
Personal experience
Who cleans up your child's messes? Think carefully. What if you're running late? What if company's due in five minutes and your child's room is tornado struck? What do you do? Please don't say you clean it for them. Please don't say you help them clean. Let it be messy. Let your child feel the sting of embarrassment. Let them own their mess.
Who is impacted by your child's mess? If it's not them, you need to think of a way to make it so. Let the laundry pile up. They won't have anything to wear. That means they can't go to the movies or to play with friends. If they break their toys, throw them away and don't replace them. You get the idea. Most children are not naturally responsible. It's clever parents (and life experience) that makes them that way. Give them a little taste of both.
Who takes the fall for your child's messes? Is it you? If so, you better change that in a quick hurry. Is their room a mess you have to face every time you walk down the hall? Close the door. Is there an obnoxious odor coming from in there? Ban food from their room. Are you responsible for cleaning their pet cages, litter boxes, etc? Stop doing it. If things don't improve, give away the pets. If your child has to take the fall for their own mess, there will be fewer messes.
Do you make excuses for your child? Oh no, you don't. A lack of responsibility is not a phase. It's not because they're busy, tired or have too much on their plate either. If it is, it's time to restrict their activities and entertainment. Making excuses for your child's sloppy habits is like giving them permission to be lazy. Shout it to the rooftops. The embarrassment alone might force them to take action.
Has your child's mess become the family joke? It's not that funny is it? If your child is so messy they've become notorious for it, they don't own their mess. Their mess is a source of embarrassment for the entire family. That good natured ribbing may be a release of frustration for one or all family members. Put your foot down. Give them a vested interest in taking care of their responsibilities. Let them pay for their own actions. Stop making excuses for your child. They deserve better and so do you. Make your child realize they own their own messes.
More from this contributor:
Six Easy Steps to a Clean Kid's Room that Stays Clean
Are You Enabling Your Child to Misbehave?
Does Your Child Take Advantage of Your Permissiveness?
Source:
Personal experience
Published by Jaipi Sixbear - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
This award winning web writer is co-owner of several writing websites. She's a featured parenting contributor on Yahoo! Shine and Yahoo! Voices. She enjoys helping fellow writers maintain a positive mindset... View profile
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5 Comments
Post a CommentThese are great points Jaipi.
It's a messy situation but all your points are spot on! :)
Good article.
Love this article. I did some cleaning and other times I closed the door. This is an article I want to give to my grown children now that they have kids. It's a classic!
Excellent advice! Truly, just ordering them to clean their room does not always effectively instill cleanliness. (I know!) My mother always made me clean my room. Once she was gone however, I became a typical "messy teenager" and my room was awful. Today I'm better (being married helps) but I do tend to have a messy closet, and a messy corner of the room where things pile up. I do however, manage to maintain things within the boundaries of "organized chaos"