Does Father Know Best?

Fifty years ago, dads were rarely called upon to change diapers, kiss boo-boos, tell bedtime stories or help with homework. Fathers worked all day and expected to come home to dinner on the table and squeaky clean, well mannered offspring every evening. A dad's job included bringing home the bacon and dispensing the discipline. Though the challenges of fatherhood have increased and expanded, one paternal duty has remained the same for thousands of years - the dispensing of fatherly advice.

The wise father knows his children will ignore much of the first-rate advice he offers, yet he continues to offer it automatically, almost habitually, as if an advice offering gene is deeply imbedded in every man who becomes a father.

Some of the classic fatherly warnings and suggestions have been around forever:

"Eat it. It'll grow hair on your chest."

"Do it to make your mother happy."

"If you break your leg, don't come running to me."

"Come here. Pull my finger."

Dispensing advice is, perhaps, the easiest of fatherly functions, but it is only a small part of being a dad. Raising children can be a gut-wrenching, heart-stopping, hair-raising proposition, but in spite of its many difficulties and drawbacks, millions of men sign on for the job every year and begin guiding their children's lives with love, support and, best remembered, those pearls of wisdom.

Father's day, though, is a traditional day of rest for dads. We can't offer diaper-changing, boo-boo kissing, help with homework or even a new tie. We are, however, offering dads an opportunity to put that big fatherly shoe on the other foot when it comes to advice.

Students at St. Agnes in Dalton Massachusetts were asked the following question: What advice would you give to fathers to help them be better dads? Their answers were not only poignant and funny but enlightening. (In the interest of privacy? security? wanting to continue receiving their allowance? Students used just their first names or initials).

N.G., a seventh grader, kept the answer simple:

"Keep feeding me and buying me things."

Seventh grader, P.B.M. was a little blunter:

"Bribe us with expensive video games."

But, N.M., a more verbose fifth grader, didn't agree. "I would not teach my kids to speak bad or not to smoke. Not to yell that much and not to teach bad habits. Not to spoil their kid with toys and other stuff. To inspire kids not to discourage them. Teach them the right way to do stuff. To take care of them, make sure they eat the right food. To be loving for the child."

Some of the students prepared lists:

Mikayla, a second grader, had a list entitled: Requirements for a good daddy:

1. "Soft and squishy for lots of hugs and kisses, especially when I get hurt.

2. Since you always get dressed up to play baseball with my brothers, how about putting a leotard on and playing ballerina with me.

3. Please learn how to braid my hair.

4. Must have endless supply of money for my princess needs.

5. Since we don't have a horse, your back will just have to do."

C.A. a fifth grader, had some stern, detailed advice, pertaining not only to fatherhood, but to living life in general:

"Don't drink.

Have a good job.

Be good to your wife.

Do things with your child.

Come home on time.

Have a good attitude."

O.G., grade 5, also had some good advice:

"Be protective.

Be helpful.

Have a lot of courage.

Help with the tree house."

N.R.L., a seventh grader, had a list of what not to do:

"Don't be picky.

Don't yell as much.

Try not to act cool.

Don't sing unless you're good."

J.K., also a seventh grader, succinctly disagreed. J.K.'s advice: "Be cool."

C.E., a fifth grader suggested that being a better dad included telling each other jokes, but C.M., a seventh grader, offered an opposing piece of advice, recommending dads "not try to be funny."

A fifth grader, C.M., suggested that dad not only be funny, but "be trusting and listen to your child." D.M., also a fifth grader agreed, with this bit of advice, "Listen more and yell less."

Mia, a fourth grader, didn't have any advice for other dads, but she had plenty of precise information for her own.

"My dad is a really good dad. He always tells me he loves me and when I see him he always gives me hugs and kisses, but I guess there are a few things he could do to be a better dad. I would like it if my dad would not work so much. Sometimes he doesn't come home from work until after I am in bed. I would like it if he was more patient. Even when he is home, he is always thinking about work. I wish he could take us out to do more family things. My mom and I love to go for walks, and I would like it if he would too. He taught me how to ski, a couple winters ago, and I love that, but he couldn't spend too much time taking me skiing. So we only got to go a few times this winter. My dad needs to learn how to relax and just have fun with us."

M.S., a seventh grader, shared some general wisdom in a short essay: "The advice I would give to fathers to help them be better dads would be to always be caught up to what is happening in their children's lives. If they stay caught up in their lives they know what they need or want. If they know what their children need or want then they could possibly get it for them."

M.F. (no grade given) had some unique advice: "I would tell fathers to not be jealous of their wives. I know my dad who has all girls is always offended when we go to mom with our problems. I think if more dads realized that kids love their mom and dad the same, they would have more confidence when being a father."

Connor, a first grader, not only offers advice to all dads, but nominates his own for father of the year, "My dad is the best dad in the world. I would tell all the dads to be just like my dad." (A much better father's day gift than a tie.)

D.N., an eighth grader, summed it up, "Always be there for their kids and always love them and help them with whatever they need."

The common thread in every piece of advice the children offered was inexpensively priceless - time - to "play go fish and then go fishing," (Christopher, Kindergarten), to play games, to "watch the sky," (Kaitlyn, pre-K) "bounce a ball" (Joe pre-K), be together and, perhaps more importantly than offering advice to their children, taking the time to listen to them. They have a lot to say.