Does the Second Child Get "Gypped"?

Working in the field of early childhood and development, many parents have asked me the question of "is my second child being gypped?" It sounds like a funny question, and one that may not be taken very seriously. However, many parents, my self included, often struggle with this very question. So, does a child born second into the family acquire a lesser or unequal status on the family tree?

My short answer is no. If I only had my own personal experience to go by, I might doubt the validity of this statement. However, my professional experience has allowed me greater and more objective insight into the topic. The first child and the second child (and third, and fourth, etc.) all receive a different upbringing, even if in the same house. Each child acquires a "status" based on birth order, temperament, and traits that impact "relatibility" with their parents. The most important fact to remember is that while the relationships and upbringing may be different, it does not mean one has greater value or importance. They are simply different, and often very equal.

The first child has the luxury of being the "only child" until the second child is born. Therefore, they receive complete and total attention from parents, grandparents, and so forth. The first child also has the acute awareness of first time parents. The effort expended by new parents, learning the ropes, is tremendous. While their attempts may not always be correct, the effort they put forth is great. These things paired with the excitement of having this brand new experience carve out a special place for the first.

Although the first child has many things that the subsequent children will not have (for example, undivided attention, etc.), the subsequent children have other, different things that are of great value. They have the guidance, modeling, and love of an older sibling. They may have a special role as the "baby", even if time limited. The second child may not have the opportunity to have the experience of being the "only child", but they do

have a rich environment in order to grow and be loved by additional family members.

So, does the second or third or fourth child get "gypped"? I don't think so. There is an old saying that says "Someone said a mother's heart isn't big enough to love three children, but someone never had three children". Having a constant playmate, a confidant, a bodyguard, a teacher, and friend for life doesn't seem like too much of a gyp. I know firsthand- I am a second child.