Does Simonize Fix It! Work?

My 2000 Nissan "Craptima" looks a bit like it got into a knife fight and forgot its knife. Dents, dings, scratches, and other sad affronts to its formerly pristine state are part of the reason I work so hard to keep it protected with a fine layer of dust and grime.

Then, while watching some lousy movie at 3 AM in the upper 300's of my cable channels, I came upon my savior, Billy Mays. His dulcet tones served to wake my wife, scare the cat, and shatter three windows as he shouted out his plea that I try his new Simonize Fix It! scratch remover. In the commercial, hard working hand models scratch the surface of what look to be new cars. Then Mr. Hand comes in with what looks like a permanent marker and rubs it over the scratch. BOOM! Scratch is gone! But wait, there is more. Billy Mays also generously throws in some Fix It polish that the commercial indicates will help you remove even marks left by sandpaper (handy for those who like to power sand and wash their car at the same time). And he even throws in a "Power Buffer", a polishing cloth, and a "Turbo Vac" for free to sweeten the deal. ("JUST PAY SHIPPING AND PROCESSING!" Billy shouts at you).

So in my tired haze, I thought, Billy Mays didn't steer us wrong with Oxy-Clean, maybe Simonize Fix It works.

But the part of my brain that was still skeptical decided to go to the Google.

I found the always amusing Infomercialratings.com, where more than 25 people had weighed in on the Simonize Fix It!

The opinion of most of those users was that Billy Mays' Simonize Fix It didn't fix anything. Included in the reviews were comments like these:

"Total ripoff"

"...tried using it on very light scratches and swirl marks on my vehicle and it did absolutely nothing"

"My car has a pencil line type of scratch and it look exactly the same after applying the product."

and my favorite

"...the vacuum sucks so bad!!!"

After reading 28 reviews, several things become apparent.

Simonize Fix It Doesn't Appear to Work for The Average User

Reading most of the reviews, the consensus is that Simonize Fix It does not work, at least as easily as shown on TV. The few halfway decent reviews indicate that Fix It works with some elbow grease, or that it works, but is simply a rubbing compound that you can purchase elsewhere for much cheaper.

The "Free" Gifts That Come with Simonize Fix It are Essentially Worthless

The "Power" Buffer that comes with Simonize Fix It is advertised as working with 2 AA batteries. If you've ever purchased a child's toy, you know that 2 AA batteries don't supply much power for any length of time, and certainly not enough to drive a motor with enough muscle power to buff out scratches. As for the Power Vac, even the cheapest brand name hand vacs can cost $20 or more. Nobody is going to give one of those away "free."

"Just Pay Shipping and Processing" is Code for "Just Cover the Cost of These Pieces of Garbage With Our Inflated Shipping and Handling Fees."

Two reviewers write of declining the "free" vacuum and receiving it anyway. The cost? $12.95 for shipping and processing. Considering that some companies can offer free shipping for items weighing fifty pounds or more, it seems odd that a small (and apparently cheaply made) hand vac would cost $13.00 to get out the door.

The Business Practices of the Fulfillment Company Are Questionable

Several reviewers mention that you can't get a full refund if you use any of the Simonize Fix It!. This begs the question, "How do you know if you're satisfied if you can't use it?" Additionally, at least two reviewers appear to have received "free" products that they declined. Oddly enough, Permission Interactive, an online company that provides the websites for this and other Billy Mays products, has a satisfactory record with the Better Business Bureau, indicating all 19 complaints forwarded to them were resolved. Note, given my experience with the Better Business Bureau, their version of "resolved" may differ from yours.

THE VERDICT!

It looks like my beloved Nissan Craptima will remained scratched. The vast majority of the information found on the web indicates that Simonize Fix It simply doesn't work as advertised. While there may be a minimal impact to the scratch, nobody has reported the miraculous repair shown on the commercial. In addition, whatever value the product may have is overshadowed by lots of "free" stuff that has no value to the customer. Buyer beware. And if you still want to try Simonize Fix It!, be sure to pay with a credit card that you can dispute, and to document what happened when you ordered.