Dog Crap, Dirty Dishes and Freeloaders

For many people, the holiday season is about consuming every warm pie in sight, spending time with family members they don't like and pretending to be a good person to try and wipe away a year filled with sin. Children are taught to give thanks for their parents who they will hate in a few years, and parents are taught to be thankful for Black Friday and credit cards. Some people will come up with lists of things they are thankful for, but most of these lists are really for show, so I decided to compile my own honest list.

As most dog owners can attest to, a dog can truly be man's best friend. After all, is there any other friend we would walk around in public with, armed with a "poop bag", and ready to pick up last night's dinner? This is one of the joyful tasks I get to do twice a day. I usually try to take my mongrel when it's dark out so I can hide in the shadows while he does his business. With the quickness of a ninja I'll try and scoop it up in my bag in one fast move, hoping no one sees me. Sometimes this doesn't work and some of the goodness will fall out of the bag. At this point my body goes into fight or flight mode. Do I dare try and wrestle with it to get it in the bag and risk hand contact? Or leave it and hope none of my neighbors saw me. On this question I would have to take the fifth. I am thankful to my best friend who keeps my reflexes quick and my mind sharp.

One of the more pleasurable aspects of my life is coming home after work to a sink full of dirty dishes. I don't know anyone who wouldn't find delight in this. Call it obsessive-compulsive or simply call it a need for the sink to be empty at all times, but my wife unfortunately does not share this sickness with me. In my passive aggressive manner I will start to do the dishes, causing as much noise as possible the whole time. This is to instill fear into my wife and to let her know I am angry. Instead of realizing I am angry, she will calmly say she was just about to do them, only making me more furious and leading to more noise. After I really show her whose boss by doing all the dishes, I feel much better, until the next day when the vicious cycle will start again. I am thankful to my wife for letting me discover my inner sense of responsibility. And finally, I am thankful to freeloading relatives who can't hold down a normal job. I'm thankful that this person always conveniently leaves their cigarettes in their car, and I always have mine in my pocket. I'm thankful that every time we go out to a bar this person accidentally leaves their wallet at home but mysteriously has their driver's license on them. And I'm thankful that I have had the opportunity to feed this person on my dime because they never have cash on them. As we can tell, this time of year always brings out the best in me and really makes me appreciate all the small things in my life. From poop bags to dirty dishes to deadbeat cousins, in the end these are the things that make life worth living.