Dog Poop. Do You Scoop?

If you are a responsible dog owner and, in many areas, a law abiding citizen you are probably more than familiar with the art of picking up poop. It is certainly not the most appealing aspect of owning a pet but it is something that most dog owners and hired dog walkers alike eventually come to accept as part of the pet companion position.

Dogs poop. Let's face it. And unless you want to be disrespectful, not to mention the most hated person in your neighborhood, there comes a time (and that time is hopefully sooner rather than later) that you must swallow your pride and get personal with your doggie's doo.

Picking up after your dog is a ritual that every dog owner should treat as an almost involuntary religious practice, with the exception of those that do not ever venture with the pooch anywhere beyond their own property. In that case it's really your business what you choose to scoop or not scoop. When your dog relieves himself (or herself) in a public area, however, especially one with sidewalks in lieu of grass, it really is extremely rude and selfish not to follow the rules of that environment, regardless of whether or not you agree with them. And in most public settings, scooping your dog's poop is one of those rules.

It must be understood, however, that while the act of cleaning up after your dog is without a doubt respectful and very much appreciated, it is also expected. In other words, following this rule of public etiquette (and again, in some places legal restriction) might successfully prevent your house from getting egged (or more ironically, stink bombed) every Halloween evening for ten years consecutively until you finally wise up and relocate to another subdivision.

A very unfortunate fact, but also quite frankly true.

Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily believe in picking up one's dog's poop either. This is not because of being lazy or because it's kinda gross and not to mention just a plain bizarre practice all together (although I'm not denying those are accompanying facts). It has more to do with the idea of ecology. I cannot take full credit for this perspective but someone I know brought up quite an interesting point when I shunned him for proudly refusing to scoop his dog's poop.

"I trust my dog knows what's up with the Earth a lot better than I do. He knows what he's doing. Dogs are very intuitive. If he is spending like five to ten minutes sniffing around the whole neighborhood just to find the perfect place to poop, he probably has a very good reason for choosing that spot. What, you think I should just insult him by picking it up and putting it in an artificial plastic bag and then the trash?"

I found this to be an excellent point. Without a doubt, no matter which way you look at the scenario, it is hard to argue that the most natural place for a dog's excrement is anything other than somewhere it can directly blend into the earth's ground. And yes, picking up after your dog is quite strange.

The fact of the matter, though, is that this has become the norm. It has reached a point where it's socially unacceptable to leave your dog's poop on the sidewalk or in someone else's beautiful front garden for some innocent wanderer to accidentally step in and track all over their car or house. It keeps areas with frequent city traffic looking tidy and clean. It's just something that is done.

It is also safe to say that even those of you who refuse to cooperate understand why this poop scooping rule is in order. It's not that you don't get it. You get it. It makes perfect sense from a "keeping walkways clean" perspective and you are 100% aware of that fact. You just plain and simply enjoy being a rebel. Which don't get me wrong, as far as I am concerned personally- to each his own, especially if such rebellion is expressed without shame. And I know you all will continue to do what you (don't) do, which of course is your personal prerogative.

However, I'm pretty sure that in no time, a fellow neighborhood dog walker is going to witness you casually neglecting to scoop the poop. They might dismiss this as an accident the first time and being your typical friendly dog walker and enthusiast might be even be inclined to scoop your poop for you, no hard feelings. But then when this same dog walker and enthusiast witnesses your strike two poop scoop delinquency, that's when the trouble begins. Said dog walker and enthusiast, both appalled and secretly psyched to be the source of hot dog themed gossip, promptly takes proper measures to out both you and your dog to everyone who is anyone in the pet owner popularity circle. Then, before you know it, one of these Halloweens and every single one thereafter your house is going to endure a generous, merciless, (and humorously ironic) celebratory deluge of the smelliest messiest dog crap available. And if those involved in the operation appreciate irony, the doodoo will be your own dogs. And when I hear about it I will definitely fall into laughter hysterically.